We all know about the big red flags that we, hopefully, usually catch before we commit to anything. But there are smaller signs that some of you may have been lucky enough to either avoid or not experience entirely. Today I am here to share the latter, at least the ones I have learned about the hard way.
a) They are intensely fixated on certain things. It may be a specific kink, an "interest", a part of human anatomy, etc. Some thing they "must" include in their every "thing", not just their every day. Unless it's a shared passion/fetish, run away because it is an obsession they will definitely not let go. And I want to specifically point out I am not talking about obsessive compulsive disorders. The example I will provide for myself is foot fetish. Personally I dislike feet and always tell potential partners as such. A previous person of interest would discreetly talk about their feet, include them in any picture sent to me, and always have them touching me in one form or another.
b) Lack of reciprocity. You put in a lot of effort in the initial conversation, not just replying constantly but a lot of thought and genuine interest in the questions and answers while they barely provide the minimum in theirs. Not talking about the dreaded one word answers that everyone knows to look out for but the very disingenuous ones. "Oh I love that" "What do you love about it?" "All of it!" "Is there any specific part you wouldn't want to do?" "Not at all!"
c) Inconsistency. Maybe initial conversation is wonderful, for the first few weeks they are able to reply constantly and instantly but then disappear for another few weeks at a time. The real indicator this is a red flag is when they come back and completely dismiss or are extremely vague about why they were gone. This can happen in D/s terms too. If they are very specific and intense about certain dynamic interactions, IE following certain rules and enforcing them, for a week or two and then they are suddenly lax about them, then come back around to wanting them to be incorporated again for a few days. This constant flip flopping, or as the great Michael Scott says, "snip snap, snip snap!" is a really bad sign.
d) This next one I have learned about myself and I fully admit I have been guilty of. The "respectful" ones who will initially accept your "no" to something but will constantly bring it back up over and over again. Going to provide an example of what I myself have done and am deeply ashamed of doing. Being told no for a picture of the person's body, I initially was completely understanding and accepted it. After a few days I brought it up again and asked if they were ready now. Of course they weren't and I accepted and moved on but I brought it back up again and again and again in various ways over the next few days. While I may not have been consciously aware of what I was doing, in every way I was being extremely disrespectful and obviously not capable of taking "no" for an answer. To you if you ever read this, I am sorry.
e) They keep enforcing this image/ideal of you that you are not wholly comfortable with but it's something they like/desire. Some sort of "perfect" role that they desperately want you to achieve that you do not completely identify as. If it's something you know deep down you would never be, run.
f) They are completely okay with you safe wording but then make you feel extremely bad about it afterwards by guilt/shaming you for "killing the mood" Holy cow I cannot stress how dangerous of a sign that is.
I hope this helps someone out there. Do not doubt your instincts, if you are ever uncomfortable listen to that tiny voice in your head.