I see the light at the end of the tunnel
I shy away from the unknown
I found comfort in the dark
The new world distracting me
I stayed in the shadows
I hid from things I use to know
Writing even betrayed me
So I stayed huddled in a corner alone
I started to slowly walk to the light
The closer I got anxiety built
The world I was in chaos and crazy
Had become home
I hesitate with each step
I fear what the light holds
I only know the insanity of work
I only know how to deal with now
The things that happen in the moment
The last year changed me
Made me withdraw
Looking only to the instant I am in
Another step to the light my pulse races
My breath catches
The smell of jasmine looming
I'm at the edge where the light touches the dark
I stop and look at the natural line in the sand
I hear the ocean waves crashing
Salt water and Jasmin in the air
I hear the cry of the gulls
I close my eyes take a deep breath
I raise my foot and step
Both feet together I feel warmth on my legs
Something I have missed
Eyes still closed another step
Warmth moves up my body
A few more steps and I am surrounded
Warmth from head to toe
I blink my eyes open
The light so bright
My body reacts and I step back
I cover my eyes with my hand
Making it easier to see
I see the world that continued without me
I've missed it
I slowly walk forward ready to embrace it
I look behind me and know
There is always safety if I need it
I will take my time
I will venture slowly
I will find me and meld the old with the new
I guess in away I am at the start again. I am not a new sub but I am trying to figure out this new me. The last year and half have changed me. Working as much as I have and seeing what I have have closed me off. I need to figure out who I am with all the new things.
I must remind myself move slow, all that glitters isn't gold. So here I am writing a baby step. Please remember also talking to someone a day does not justify a collar or the respect of getting called Sir, I am respectful yes but I will not give you me or a title you haven't shown me you have earned.
Trust is built it isn't demanded, a bond is formed not expected. Take your time and feel the sun before you dive in
