Avoiding Sub Drop and giving excellent Aftercare
Let’s be honest, if vanilla was enough we wouldn’t be here would we? The attraction of such a lifestyle just fails to cut any ice and frankly, it’s like living in limbo, waiting for some excitement to come along. A grey life, with grey expectations.
But then along comes BDSM.
The dynamic of the BDSM lifestyle is a heady one and offers a huge range of possibilities and excitement for all concerned, and that is great. The release of endorphins is almost addictive and let’s be honest, the temptation to get carried away and to really immerse ourselves in the play draws us all in. Subspace is the ultimate Adrenalin rush, apart from bungee jumping!
In the heat of play, probably the very last thing on your mind is almost certainly the very first thing that should be on your mind: how will my submissive feel when this is done and what will she need from me?
The macho, controlling side of being a Dom would just prompt a Dom to move on after the play, possibly either leaving or just separating himself from the aftermath of the feelings and concerns of his submissive. This is a critical time for both parties as it is an opportunity to check on feelings and emotions that have, very recently, been in the extreme as the passion of the play worked its way through.
A key part of my responsibility as a Dom is to care for my sub. For me, this means making sure that she is in a good space, both immediately after play and in the days that follow. It is during these following days that emotions can dip dramatically, insecurity can set in and concerns can emerge that need very careful management and care.
Physical marks and scars can heal. However, the physical exertion of the play can also take its toll, often making itself obvious some days later. Care is needed here and support should be offered by both sides. The often hidden issues around Subdrop are the emotional issues that it raises, typical of which are anxiety, confusion, guilt and shame. The only way of dealing with this effectively is to establish before the actual play itself, the aftercare that will be delivered. This ensures that everyone is clear as to what will happen and what can be expected.
Physical comfort and closeness cannot be underestimated in this. However intense the play, there will always be a need for some good old-fashioned cuddles and comfort, even when you think this need has been met by the closeness from the physical and mental connection of the scene. Warmth, especially shared warmth, accompanied by a caring and calming chat about what has just taken place puts things into context and reassures both parties that yes, the scene was good, but that there is still the need to keep communication going and reassurances flowing.
It is just not enough to exit Stage Left after a quick cuddle and a pat on the head. Contact from you in the hours and days following the play is essential, especially where the play has been particularly intense. Just because your sub says she is OK is no guarantee that she will still be okay later. Be a Gentleman and check up on her and make sure all is well! Forget casual contact.This is about quality contact. Be prepared to really listen and allow her to express her feelings.
Above all else, make sure that you, as a Dom, deliver positive reinforcement, using kind and supportive language to make sure your sub has pride in herself. Compliment her on what she did well and what that meant to you.This will really help avoid Subdrop and keep the closeness that you have worked together to generate.
Always think about how you would like to be supported if the roles were reversed – Heresy I know, but just think about it!
