What Dominants can get from good Control
Control for Dominants comes in many different forms and is delivered by many different Dominants in many different ways. This is an intensely personal experience and approach. This blog is about my perceptions on the topic. Hopefully some of this will chime with your experiences in whatever your role in the lifestyle.
I enjoy exercising Control. It gives me satisfaction, empowers me to do more in the relationship and progressively and systematically draws my sub into my way of thinking. Control, and its dynamic, secures the link between myself and my submissive and allows her to give more to me as she acquires more insights into my values and what I want her to achieve.
Control is a skill that is permanently evolving, growing and being refined. It is a learning experience that develops so that no matter how confident you feel about it there is always something more to consider. It is never the finished article. Control gives me power and authority over my submissive, but this is intimately interwoven with kindness, consideration, empathy and sympathy to make the bonds very tight, which in turn ensures that Control is delivered and developed.
Control for me is about being Dominant but NOT being domineering, which I would describe as being brash, rude and overbearing – a trap that catches many in the guise of being determined to squash any resistance and/or push-back from the submissive. Good Control is far more subtle than that.
Control gives me the tools to influence her thoughts, patterns of behaviour, desires, needs and hopes so that she is secure and confident in her submission to me. I put huge emphasis on the two pillars that underpin the dynamic: trust and communication. I always try to make my communication as clear and precise as possible on issues that require delivery and obedience from my submissive. I cannot say that I get this right all of the time but because of the level of trust woven into the connection between myself and my submissive any issues are discussed and reframed after which I decide on the best way forward.
A good measure of Control is how well we talk and share views and opinions. I find out lots of detail from general conversation which I can then use to make the bond tighter, more relevant and more enjoyable for both sides. I am no pushover, I can be demanding and set high standards for my submissive to work towards, ensuring that the level of Control that I want is achieved.
In my view, good Control is built upon three principles, which I work hard to focus upon in all aspects of the dynamic:
1. Protection and Respect: training and nurturing my sub so that she confirms her position and status as my Control develops.
2. Understanding: gaining a detailed insight into my sub’s desires, feelings and wants so that she is comfortable in her own identity. This is essential in planning out how Control can be established and developed.
3. Punishment for poor behaviour: this has to be an integral part of the dynamic but is only to be used fairly, and administered with just cause. It must never be delivered in anger nor should it be the driving force in any relationship.
My sub has huge potential and my Control is a key part of that.
