Power of Words

I Guess the top reason I chose Every Heart and Unending Dream as my two songs for my soundtrack would have to be for the very simple reason that they seem to touch home with me in certain ways. "I was frightened by the never ending night" is a line of English translation from the Japanese Lyrics to Every Heart. I would have to say that this line stands out in particular due to the fact that everyone is frightened of something, and i was afraid of myself for the longest time. It was only recently that i had been able to understand my spirit, soul, and body to a more complete level.

"Every heart has a habit of recieving its dreams.

Sadness has no effect on us,

Every Heart gains happiness when it flies."

The above lines, also from translation, ring true to everyone at some point in their lives. At this stage in my life, i have had much worry and sadness hung about me. But I remain positive that what i really work towards, such as realizing my dream of living in Japan will allow myself to become happy and filled with strong energy, rather than strong violent energy that i have learned to use in today's culture that is North America.

"In Endless repeating time,

We were searching for love.

Because we wanted to become stronger,

We look up to the faraway sky."

History has proven to repeat itself more often than was originally thought possible. Although the situations may differ slightly, the end result is the same. When a pair of strangers are looking for love today, they will often sit down beside each other oblivious to the existing person who has made the barstool their new home for the next three hours. It is sad that these people look for love in only the most attractive person they can find. However i do know that it is appearance, which catches the eye, and the person who captures the heart.

As for Unending Dream, I have chosen this song because of the connection to love being a dream that will never end - bliss so to speak. A Particular English translated line that stands out the most to me would be: "The City in the georama of the heart is sparkling with the light of hope."  I think that the main reason this line would stand out to me is that love really is a fleeting dream that we search for with the rest of our lives. And the sad truth behind this part of the lyrics is that many settle down with those whom they do not really love, rather they settle down with those for fear of being alone the rest of their lives. It is in situations like this that the love of companionship must grow in order to survive. So basically speaking, love at first sight is a fairy tale everyone wants to believe, and convince others of while trying to convince themselves.

Another line that stands out in the song is: "No words are needed, a lie is always hiding the words sweetly." This is a very important line for everyone to be aware of, and it means that in every truth, a lie exists to be said, just like in every lie, a truth it's foundation.

Every Heart: Artist: BoA

Owari Nai Yumi/Unending Dream

I'm not sure if this really explains why i chose these two pieces of music, but i do know that i have gotten a lot from reading them, and listening to them on disc. I Hope you enjoyed reading this.

This is another carry over writing piece i did when my father passed away from Acute Myelopic Leukemia, and a combination of other factors, where he possibly took some matters into his own hands, so he wouldn't suffer for 8 months.

About a month or so ago, my mom called me to tell my brother and I that our father was diagnosed with Leukemia, and a very aggressive version at that. He would be starting Chemo Therapy sessions in the weeks to come, after they had finished with blood transfusions to clean out the blood infection he was also diagnosed with. In the past few days, he was found unconscious and not breathing, for an undetermined amount of time, due to complications with a powerful come back by his blood infection, and a new lung infection, a week after his first chemo session, which only pissed off his aggressive leukemia. He was thankfully, surrounded by family who could attend, when he passed as they said their final farewells.

My mom, my sister, and the half brothers and sister i have on my dad's side are all devastated by this for many reasons, to varying degrees, though none i would suppose as much as my Mom, as she spent the last 33+ years with the man i had come to despise for many different reasons. I never had much of a relationship with the man, as he seemed to alienate most people around him for one reason or another, so my feelings toward him are rather indifferent when it comes to his passing away.

On the other hand, my heart goes out to my mother, my sister, and the rest of our family, because of the loss they suffered. I really wish i could do something to paint my father in a more positive light, but there aren't any happy memories i have of him in order to do so.

On the phone with my sister this morning, as she called to check up on how my brother and i were handling it, we got to talking, and i asked her how my nephews were doing, and she told me of how she had to explain that their "papa", since they couldn't say grandpa yet, was "sick, very sick". So as kids their age tend to do, they ask those innocent, yet painful questions that are incredibly difficult to answer: "is he going to feel better tomorrow?" as he happened to like spending time with his grandchildren. So when he had finally passed away, she had to tell them "papa's all better now, he's gone up to the sky" to which they responded "papa can fly!?" It was absolutely heart breaking to hear it, and know that they aren't of the age to understand what dying and death is, or that they'd never see their dear "papa" again. But they are aware of what it means when someone "goes away", as i spent a great deal of time with them whenever i could, before i moved across the country, and the eldest of my nephews grew attached to me, and would only let me pick him up.

My mother is a truly wonderful person to me, and there are few i see who are as strong as she is, or have handled as much as she has in so short a time - Her older brother died an agonizingly slow death to AIDS/HIV, and her father was the one to pull the plug for him then. She had to watch slowly as her father began to creep into dementia for it, until Alzheimer's finally claimed him, and couldn't remember who she was when it came time to say good bye, but he knew he was loved by all those who attended him in his final moments. Shortly there after, she had to be with my sister as she gave birth to a still born child, while providing love and support to her amid the chaos created between my sister and the baby's daddy not wanting anything to do with it, so my sister could prove she could be a capable single parent. (Although he did want to attend the funeral, our parents agreed he would not be allowed at the funeral, which was graciously put together by my Uncle and his fiancee). In less than a year, Her mother was then diagnosed with kidney failure, and had to be put on dialysis until her time was up, however tragedy would strike again as she suffered from a severe bout of food poisoning, caused by the negligence of the staff in the elderly care facility she was staying. All (with the exception of her older brother) within a 2 year period of time. Each one as devastating to her emotionally, and somewhat physically, as the last. Yet none of these times has she ever shown vulnerability or a tendency to curse life or give up on it. As a person who knows what it means to be strong for too long, i know that she crumbles a bit under it all, but like me, doesn't allow anyone to see it until it's too late.

So to those who read this, and want to send your condolences, i thank you. If you want to share your thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes, please keep my mom and sister, and my nephews in your hearts and minds when you do.

I'm a strong person, emotionally and mentally, and writing this out, has helped me to cope, and come to sort out some of the feelings i was having.

Disclaimer: This was originally written on Fetlife in 2013

A few moments ago, a friend of mine had commented on something that had me curious. This is the link to the article here on Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/groups/35778/group_posts/429944…

As children, many of us are taught to help each other when we can, as often as we can, sometimes to the detriment of our safety. In recent years, however, there has been a growing trend of only helping others when there is only something to gain, or when there is no detrimental reason to help.

After reading some of the comments, many of which gave me hope (including the OP) for humanity, there are still others that disturb me. When I say that they disturb me, what I mean is that it shakes any solidarity in my beliefs that chivalry still exists.

I am much like the OP in the linked article, with a mother of similar nature. My grandfather, before he passed away from Alzheimer's Disease, was a rather pleasant person. I heard stories of his charitable nature from those who knew him before his passing, about all the ways he had helped people. It is a trait that I hold high value for, as it seems to be as rare as common sense, if not more so.

As adults, we have come to learn that the world does not owe us a living, nor are we inclined or obligated to help others that we do not know, let alone the people that we do know. We are not entitled to hope, love, kindness, being cared for, or our individual beliefs. Nor are we entitled to the exact opposite of the above list. We will sometimes receive more than what we deserve, or receive less than what we give - which follows both sides of this coin. Some people far more love than they could possibly want to give, and others will receive much more bile and hate than they could have possibly earned - many times through the anonymity of the internet or in person.

The comments I am referring to come from those, who for one reason or another, feel that because of making a few bad mistakes, for loving someone for reasons unknown to us, and have become accustomed to such negative and scarring behavior from their significant others, that they deserve to be abandoned. That if someone becomes violent and hurts them, that they do not deserve help, and yet these people would be, and are often, the first people to scream for help and receive it.

Our definitions of right and wrong are at best, subjective, since we all possess a different moral compass. We offer different levels of empathy and compassion, as well as neglect and loathing. In my personal opinion, I believe the OP did the right thing. I also feel, that while he held value for his room mate's life, he may have valued his life as less than hers, in the eyes of his mother. I can not speculate on the reason his mother would have felt the way she did, as I do not know her at all.

Considering the woman he saved was also his room mate, there really is no logical reason to assume that this person is some random woman. He knew her, and was quite possibly a close friend. Would you really let your room mate be killed by a spurned or violent ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend if you had the power and means to prevent it? I certainly wouldn't.

I feel that my faith in humanity has been restored, and faith in my personal beliefs restored as well, many of which are shared by the linked OP. Chivalry only dies because we let it die.