From my own experience and after hearing from others, I have established that the BDSM lifestyle is still considered taboo in the Christian world. This is most unfortunate because if those who frown upon the lifestyle investigate it more, they will find that it—what I enjoy about it, anyway—is quite biblical in nature.
I will start by saying that I used to consider my love for BDSM sinful. It was not until just this year that I really dove into researching the various aspects of it and figured out where in the community I fit in. When making this discovery, by my Lord and Savior’s guidance, I was able to see how I could reconcile my faith with my kink. It is still a work in progress, but here is what I gathered thus far:
1. I am one who is drawn to the disciplinary aspect of BDSM. I especially like the idea of having a Head of House, or HoH, type of Dom. When looking into this, I saw that both discipline and the HoH/sub dynamic aligned with a biblical marriage. This is speaking strictly as a heterosexual, monogamous, Christian female submissive, of course. I know that the dynamics in this community vary a great deal. Moving on. . .
They align with what God put into place in that the Dom (the man) is in charge, and the sub (the female) submits to him. She focuses on serving him and maintaining a clean, peaceful home environment. He takes care of her by providing for and protecting her. When the two are Christ-fearing individuals, the man submits to the ultimate Dom, which is our Lord and Savior. Doing so helps him make wise decisions and care for his sub in accordance with God’s will. Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I view the three strands as being God, a husband, and a wife.
2. With regard to kink, I fancy bondage a whole lot. I love the idea of being in a classic damsel-in-distress scenario. Being tied up by a man and left at his mercy is an exhilarating experience. It is even more of a turn-on when the man can overpower me, pin me down, and keep me in place with his strength alone.
This is not exactly uncommon. Many women enjoy the latter of these scenarios because they have a primal desire to seek a strong mate, as acquiring one will result in healthy children who will keep the human race going. A man capable of bending a woman to his will by sheer force will trigger said desire, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this in God’s eyes. He created men to be stronger than women. He created the aforementioned longing in us ladies.
Bondage can even be used as a way to honor Christ. The Dom who is currently training me has placed me in stressful—even painful—positions at times. While I was in one of these positions, he told me to think of the suffering that Jesus went through in order to set us free. This had a profound effect on me. As soon as he said this, I went from wanting desperately to be released to wanting to endure it for however long I needed because the pain made me feel connected to my Savior. I understand that this may sound strange, but that is what happened!
Where kink becomes a problem is when it is exercised in a sinful way. If it becomes and idol that one focuses his time and energy on more than the Lord, it’s an issue. If—because of engaging in this activity—she starts to behave inappropriately or wants to do things that would go against God’s word, it’s an issue. This is where partners have to hold each accountable, study the Word often, and maintain proper communication to prevent anything like what I just said from transpiring. It is a lot of hard work but definitely worth it.
Even though I have written all of this to defend BDSM as a Christian, and even though I would like for Christians to be a little more understanding in this area, I admit that there is a certain part of me that enjoys having this “secret kinky life.” It makes it that much more exciting. It is fun to feel like I am part of some underground community. Fifty Shades ruined that a little bit because BDSM then ventured into mainstream and became somewhat trendy, which is no fun. Anyhow, I digress. Let’s go back to what this blog entry is about.
You can be a firm follower of Christ Jesus and be a lover of BDSM. The end.
