My Random Thoughts

I like aggressive, controlling, possessive, sadistic men that are equally caring and loving.

I love attention; time and communication need to be given freely. I love great conversations. I want you to be outspoken, make your intentions and expectations clear without ambiguity.

Rules and structure are important to me. I want you to get to know me as a person, what makes my mind tick, likes, and dislikes.

A sub is equal to a dom. My needs and desires are equal.

Submitting takes time. Don’t request me to give you anything right away.

Romance is nice sometimes, too.

I want you to want me to hurt for you and tell me that I am a good girl. The need for you wanting to make me yours is huge. The question “Who do you belong to?” makes my heart melt. Equally, I enjoy you asking me "Whose whore are you?".

What I enjoy from the dominant side, is the leadership and responsibility. Responsibility is how I feel he expresses love and care for me. Anybody can grab a hand full of hair and use their sub forcefully. However, I want you to make sure I am are ok and has a presence that only requires a look.

Deep trust and intimacy are important to me - feeling an emotional/sexual sanctuary. Knowing that I can be emotionally completely naked. I want to feel comfortable kneeling before you and talking about whatever is troubling me, what I am thinking about too much, or what has me curious. I want to feel no need for privacy and modestly because I belong to you; in good and bad.

I'm pleasing by nature and want to make my partner happy in sexual and non-sexual ways. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. I love to surprise you by waking you up in the morning in a special way, cooking your favorite meal naked, setting up a bath, buy tickets to your favorite sports game, and see if we can find a private spot there to be intimate.

Not being in control goes along with not knowing what will happen next. I like the uncertainty and “danger” as I'm never prepared for where the session will take me. I enjoy being powerless and for my partner to take over complete control. There's something that makes me feel very safe about that specific dynamic once I trust is built.

I prefer a 24/7 dynamic. Communicating meal preferences in restaurants but you will order for me, not changing my appearance without receiving permission, no panties around you for easy access, me checking in every morning, noon and evening, sending a picture every morning, etc.

I am into belts (my favorite place is having my neck in a belt!), biting, blindfolds, bondage, chains, choking, collar/leashes, hair pulling, spanking, orgasm control, and all kinds restraints. Open to discussing whatever else you enjoy as trust is built and the relationship evolves.

I keep attracting a lot of interest in men that are a lot (20+ years) older than me. I am not reciprocating the interest so I added to my profile that I am not interested in age-gap (10+ years) relationships but for some reason that doesn't decrease the interest.

In another forum, a member responded: "This isn't unique to age-gaps. There's a large number of men who simply do not respect what women want. If *they* want *you,* that's all they care about, and nothing you could say in your profile would matter to them."

Thoughts?

I am not looking for someone who is perfect. I not looking for a man with a great career, a huge mansion, three cars, etc. To me, it is important that he is a genuinely good person. Consistent with his words and his actions. Someone who can be there for me at the end of a rough day without me having to worry that he may not. That constant connection that will eventually lead to a fulfilling, loving relationship. It has to be real and true - to him and myself.

I feel valued when I am seen for who I am as a person, vs. being desired for physical appearances. When I am heard and my partner actually understands instead of just listens. The greatest gift someone can give to me is the acknowledgment of my capabilities, being caring and attentive. I love kisses, hugs, cuddles and special words whispered into my ear. That feeling of being protected and adored in someone else’s arms. At the same time, I want to be his favorite time/moment of the day.

I love to hear “I love you” – especially if the feeling is mutual. What’s even better is if that person actually shows me and puts actions behind those three meaningful words.

I understand that everything in life takes time. Oftentimes, I get the feeling that I am behind in life, but life is not a competition, it’s an experience. I’m right on time and should focus on enjoying the journey rather than focusing on my goals.

Disappointments happen. A broken heart is hard to heal. Emotional distress is challenging and sometimes I have to accept that I am not getting the closure I desire. There’s no “magic pill” that makes me feel better. I’m not just my feelings and I can’t control everything situation in my life or what someone may say or do to me. However, what I can control is my reaction to it. One thing I have to keep in mind is: If someone treats me poorly, that is a reflection of their character, not mine. I believe that most people are good. I know that “people are not out to get me”. They might deal with their own demons and struggles. As Louise Hays said: “They were doing the best they could with what they had been taught”. I believe that which is why I’m going to work on being kind to people even when I feel like they are not kind to me.

In closing, I need to learn to not look at my worth based on how other people see or interact with me but to be confident in myself: Who I am, my personality, my looks, and especially all my imperfections and flaws. While I know that I can improve on certain personality traits, I am a worthy, capable, kind person.

It’s about self-approval and acceptance, taking the first step (no matter how small it is), and knowing that no one has any power over me.