The journey of my submission has been a long, emotional rollercoaster. I didn't fully understand and discover myself until my early 30's.
I am in control of every aspect of my everyday life. On top of that, I am extremely organized in all areas of my life to the point where I’m pretty positive I could be diagnosed with some sort of OCD.
I am a strong woman looking to surrender in relationships.
This may sound and seem simple, but took me years to figure out. In my younger years, I was drawn to men who almost mentally abused me. I still struggle with that sometimes. But I know better now.
I'm submissive with masochist tendencies and I want to be used, possessed, and owned. At the same time, I want to feel needed. I adore fierce, possessive, and sadistic men, who are caring and affectionate as well.
It all makes sense now.
My submission is earned, not assumed, and not given to everyone. Only one to one special person deserves my submission.
Not only do I need to trust my body to my Dom physically, but I also give want to give myself to him mentally. The psychological side is the most powerful and most dangerous to me, as I expose myself completely and therefore put myself in a vulnerable position. It’s the most rewarding aspect of the relationship I am seeking, but also the one that scares me the most; Because I could get hurt.
The key to a successful D/s relationship for my Dominant to get to know me. What do I thrive off of, what works for me, what makes me happy, what scares me, what makes me uncomfortable, etc. A successful D/s relationship involves communication (a lot of it), trust, and transparency rather than going in blindly. It's important to talk about likes and dislikes. Being completely transparent and open has allowed me to a journey of self-discovery I did not see coming. At the same time, everything about it feels right. I feel like I belong in this kind of partnership. I learned how to be able to let go and hand myself over to my partner.
It's not just a state of mind, it's a state of being.
Along the journey to finding out who I am as a person and a submissive, I also learned that I need a dominant that is willing and able to assume responsibility for me. Deep down, I am sensitive and require a certain duty of care. I need him to fully understand my needs and wants as I bounce off of his energy. It's a fragile dynamic.
If I am treated with respect and care, I will obey. Not because I want to, but because I need to.
