When I first heard this song in the early 90's, I felt connected but didn't realize in what aspect. Not until later on in life, when my world was turned upside down (2015). When i realized the person I loved didn't love me anymore. All they had to do was say so and not keep stringing me along for their own needs and ego. I wanted them to let me go so I can live the way i needed to live, have freedom and not feel like I'm in a cage with no way out.
In a way, I finally received that freedom and was able to start living for me to a certain extent. I didn't feel as restricted as I do now. This song starts playing (not in any of my playlist) Now I'm thinking I was never free to truly be myself 100%. I accept the blame and consequences for it, I didn't realize then the decisions I made would have such an impact on me becoming someone I need to be. I have lost so much more of myself that I may not recover. I may not be able to fully be ME. I have to accept responsibility for the loss of not only myself, but others in my life that mean so much to me.
So once again, I'm trapped, no longer in a cage but a room with 4 walls and a door. I can open the door any time I want, but what for? I lost so much, what is there left for me to gain? What is out there that would make me want to venture out? I'm afraid to accept love from others, I know that eventually leave. Almost everyday someone in my building is always telling me they love me, it's a love i don't want 'or need. For awhile I thought maybe this was God's way of saying, you're future does not include who you desire. We speak, vent to one another and that's it. I refuse to go there with him. I may be alone for the rest of my life and I have to be at peace with that (i don't see peace happening anytime soon).
I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of overthinking, depression, anxiety etc. Too old for this shit lol I made this bed and now I lie in it alone. It's what happens when I think about others before myself. Everyone experiences their happiness except for me. I'm not ok with it, hopefully someday I will be.