Being a switch is a beast in itself, especially when the sub part of me is more dominant. I was given the opportunity to explore my dominant side (which i am grateful for the opportunity). I have a very hard time keeping the submissive part of me locked away. There has been a session where the sub side of me overpowered the dom side and that was one hell of a struggle to return to dom space. I feel that if I was able to balance both, it wouldn't be such a struggle mentally, psychologically, and emotionally.
Another session, was when i felt my sub's strong desire to have me his way, I nearly fucking caved in. I just wanted to kneel in front of him and give him all of me. I feel that I'm the type that needs two doms, I would need to have this constant balance and need to just be able to be who i need to be. I made a promise that I wouldn't let anyone outside of them dominate me. A promise that is hard as hell to keep but, I am successful so far, (the mental challenges that come along with it breaks me down at times)
It's not even a sexual thing for me, never was. I just want to give pleasure in any way possible but not like the average sub would. Just to be there to help them wind down after a stressful day, give them an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. After care for them is a must in my eyes, in the bedroom or 24/7 they need to be able to function properly after a session/play. (sorry, Im always saying session).
I believe this i why i submit to my kids and ex the way I do. It's the only way for now.
I have a primal side that definitely has to stay locked away. Hunting is not good for me when I get rejected or the person makes it seem like this will be a successful connection and falls back.
One day, I will have the balance that i need to be able to live the way I'm born to live.
