For years, I have been able.to bounce back from hurt, traumatic experiences, possessions (psychic/spiritual attacks).
But for.the fucking life of me, I cannot bounce back.this time. I have let go, grieved, gave it.to a higher power etc. I.just cannot overcome this obstacle in my life.
I've accepted what is, had self hatred towards myself and forgave myself for the decisions I have made and forgave the person for their actions/inactions, closed off my heart and kept the love I was.giving to myself. Which in turn fucks the other people in my life.
I have become my mother, the love of her life strung her along for over 20 years. Promising to be with her etc etc etc. And you know.what that did.to her? She went into a frenzy of looking for the same love she was giving to be returned in numerous men. Unfortunately, it led.to her demise. I may never know.the full story but from hearing the.convos in the spirit realm, she was really.fucking hurt. The same way I feel now, I haven't felt this much anger.towards a person in a long time. I don't want to hold grudges, it does nothing for me but add more hurt and pain.
So now. I'm repeating the same cycle of looking to have that same love I gave returned. Both in the aspect of the bdsm lifestyle and vanilla combined. I was rejected in both and that really fucked my head up. Do you know how hard it is to be a female.switch with strong masculine energy/tendacies? How I'm tired.of being in charge, taking the lead, and keeping it together? Been in charge being the "man" of.the house since I was a kid. The only times im able to be a woman is dealing with that bitch mother nature and having kids. All I ever needed was someone to allow me.to.let.go, giving them permission to take.over, even if.it's just for an hour or.two.
I've learned through numerous sites, fb etc that.doms feel intimidated by female switches. One person told me.the other day. That I will dom.them at.the drop.of a hat. Not true, if.im giving you.control, why would I?
So you see, being rejected in both lifestyles fucks a.person's head up big time. So before.any.doms.wave off female.switches, just conversate with us.first before judging. We may just surprise you
