Sitting here watching big city greens with z before her bus arrive for school. A few minutes ago I noticed there was a huge change within myself and not a good one. I don't feel compassionate, understanding and caring anymore. Which is unlike me and I feel worse than ever. Im wondering was I hurt so deeply that it affected me in such a way that I now feel like this? I've been hurt before, I overcame alot.of shit but this is different, very different. I lost a major part of me, I worked hard (maybe not hard enough) not to let anger, depression, regret, asking why, and deep rooted hurt take over. I've been through the process of letting go, understanding that it wasn't meant to be, forgiveness, and I have been released from a promise (s) that I made. I may never find out why and that's ok. I have to continue on forgiving myself for allowing things to go as far as they did. I have to learn to stop self hating and self blaming which isn't going to be easy but I feel I can achieve that goal.
Bus wil be here in a few. Have a good day everyone 😊 ((HUGS))
