The darkness in me has risen
In harmony with light
In 'The Dark Knight', Alfred said, "Some men just want to watch the world burn."
Mac Miller said, "Why I gotta build something beautiful just to go set it on fire?"
Truth is, my secret is, I enjoy building beautiful things and setting them on fire.
It's chemistry - growth, decay and transformation.
Only death brings life. Burn it when it's dead.
A promise
Is a lie
Only with expectation
A lie to self
I think I'll leave it alone
Just stay for a bit
And rest
The bliss of struggle comes with my unravelling after being bound so tight. There's a point of, "fuck it, give it to me, do whatever". The release.
Today is that day for me and I will savour the beautiful taste of nothingness. My attention is with sensation and the moment. Unravelled and a taste of freedom.
Doolittle, a favourite album and is speaking my feelings.
I feel the surrender and the excitement of knowing nothing.
Good morning gorgeous humans. Another beautiful day.
It's often said, "it's in the eyes". I have noticed lately sometimes I catch the gaze of another, a gaze that looks beyond my surface into my eyes. A curious gaze, one that is trying to see what it is that captures their attention. It's freedom.
I look free
I feel free
Some look with awe
Some look with sorrow and aching desire
And others have no clue what they see. They think they can possess it.
I know how to see into their eyes and see of they see like me.
I'm surprisingly happy and excited about being denied what I craved.
For the first time in ages I developed a crush and for a while I've been sitting with it, admiring, dreaming and building up the courage to ask her out. I did today. And she said she has a partner. But I'm so happy - I did it, I was courageous and vulnerable. A little disappointed but so proud to try and then feel so free. Free because I have my answer and there is no doubt in my mind now, that it is a beautiful road not travelled. A dream, a possibility unrealised. And so I move on, dancing my way on.
But I must tell you, how incredibly turned on I am - being denied the fulfilment of my lust. I am now turning to animal insatiability. "No" makes me ravenous and want to be ravaged. So I relish rather than resent. I dwell, with passion and wickedness, in the desire of denial. Paradise Circus.
I have a new calm. One where I don't rush, I'm not do impulsive and I don't run away from my own discomfort.
I'm looking out the window at life with open eyes, with possibility and enthusiasm. Still not certain but I'm clear.
A little less fear for the unknown. Titillation. That liminal space of dreaming while awake.
This conversation is so very familiar and such a heartfelt performance 💖
To see myself with eyes that won't close
To walk naked and exposed, hanging ever on a cliff
To fall down again in the dirt, make sure everyone is looking
Oh the joys of being humbled
But I wouldn't have it any other way
Because I'm a flower
What I do best is rest in darkness and grow in sunlight
Orgasms carry new meaning for me now, almost as if they are sacred. For me, they now feel like a spiritual endeavour. Because they are His.
I know only through feeling. Internally. Sometimes I feel there is an ocean in me. I just know.