Why do I still care?
When I so desperately want to let go of other's opinions, judgements, jokes
Why can't I let it go?
How do I let it go when it always feels like I'm right back in the same place, doing the same thing -
I'm always so angry with myself for trying and failing, for letting myself hurt, for trying to take advice or fix me
The last thing I need is advice
Always trying, trying, trying
I need me to stop being so mean to myself
But I don't know how
I don't know how to love myself the way I need to be loved
And I don't know how to filter what I care and don't want to care about.
I don't know much and I feel so much
I feel crazy
Please don't tell me to "let it go". It's all so very easy to say but very frustrating when I feel stuck, which is often.