If you have followed my blog you know I am on a healing journey. This week I played with someone totally new. Normally I would never, but he was vetted by several close friends and the man I am dating (not a dom, he's a swinger).
All these things that I have "learned" are "weird" or unacceptable to some... they were just wholly and completely accepted as normal. Things like getting overwhelmed in a scene and crying, or using a safe word... they were ENCOURAGED. I didn't even realize that I held onto these "beliefs" that I am somehow flawed or weird or different from everyone else because I coo when I'm in subspace or curl up and get little afterwards. These are 100% normal things.... and actually knowing that now... it makes me openly cry today.
Maybe it's a little subdrop. But all I feel is this massive sense of relief in my heart. It'd so hard to explain. I feel lighter, and maybe a little less afraid. I even wanted to be choked?!
My boyfriend is amazing for letting me set this up, this man was amazing for just being gentle (not in a literally sense because he fucked my brains out) emotionally with me ans backing off as he saw I needed it and saying what I needed to hear without knowing it. Their wives are amazing, and this is the first swinger experience I have had where there is literally zero jealousy!
And I'm realizing I too am amazing. Because evwnthough I'm in my 30s I'm still growing every day.
Hope this encourages someone today. 😘
