Desire and dependence: sometimes separated by a fragile line, sometimes tangled and intertwined, sometimes a hazy gradient that envelopes us in our kink journey, whether we're whipping, getting whipped, or (unfortunately, for most of us) watching people get whipped online.
Nobody's coming undone / Everyone here is afraid of fun / And nobody's getting any play / It's the saddest night out in the USA1
Dependence is an always fearsome, sometimes alluring idea. But the attractiveness of dependence is tied to whether or not it becomes synonymous with that desire, or overtakes it. And for those of us on the wrong side of the screen, relegated to being digital voyeurs, our dependence on our desires can be an obstacle from truly realizing them.
Further complicating things is being aware of this empty dependence, which may increase the already present aversion in many of us (not all, obviously) to sacrificing independence, which is kind of a big part of a D/s dynamic. This is where one may start conflating dependence with neediness, and can internally justify this resistance to stop resisting.
God forbid I'm a burden to a potential Dominant, I have to maintain my independence at all costs, even at the expense of not attempting to learn or engage in a deeper part of this other than that sweet kinky porn.
But, ultimately, at least for me, it's my intact independence which makes the idea of submission so much more rewarding, while also allowing me a context where my independence is a privilege and not a burden. But, I'm still dealing with theoretical submission. Until then
Waiting for that day
When this gets easier
Waiting for that day
When this gets harder2
title "Romantic Rights" Death From Above 1979
1 "Beat Connection" LCD Soundsystem
2 "Damn Baby" Alpine