Lindsey Ciccino(sub female){Collared}

The Hidden slave

This blog is going to be a compilation of thoughts and day to day life of living as a 24/7 slave. This is definitely not going to be the cookie cutter responses and ideas. I live a very unique dynamic, which I hope some people may be able to learn from or relate to.

Becoming invisible in a Poly Dynamic

3 years ago. March 31, 2021 at 7:44 PM

I have had many conversations with my Master about another sub/slave He had been talking to and a reoccurring situation seems to come up often. When he mentions Poly Dynamics, many times, the sub/slave has informed Him that they had been a part of a Poly dynamic, but it ended in disaster. The disaster most of the time being that they became invisible in the dynamic and were pushed out. I have been putting a lot of thought into the issue. Why and how does someone start to feel like they are invisible and being pushed out of the dynamic?

I am sure there are many factors, and all are different for each dynamic. A few common causes could be a lack of mutual respect, lack of communication between all parties involved, and a basic foundation not being established when the dynamic starts.

In my current dynamic, we are a closed poly dynamic. He will start talking to a sub/slave and start to build rapport and learn about her. He is always open that He owns a slave, and we are Poly. Once they have talked for a while, and He knows that the sub/slave could be a good fit, He will introduce her to me. That is when she and I will start building rapport and a connection. This is the time that is crucial, in my opinion, to start building that foundation of how the dynamic will work. This is when she and I need to have mutual respect, knowing that each of us will bring something different to the dynamic.

This is the time that is rushed in many dynamics and could lead to someone feeling they will become invisible or pushed out. We always stress that there is not a hierarchy in the dynamic. She and I are equal. Yes, I have been with Him for 4 years, which means that I know His wants, needs, and likes. There are going to be things that I know that she will eventually learn. I think this is true for many Poly dynamics.

Communication is also key. Sooooo much talking is needed. Suppose you think you have communicated enough; you probably haven't. Communication needs to happen between all parties. Sometimes with all of you, sometimes one on one, sub and sub, sub and Master, all the combinations you can think of. Everyone needs to be on the same page. This may lead to a difference of opinions, which is where respect needs to come in. In my dynamic, I look to my Master for guidance when there is a difference of opinions. This is the Master/Dom's job to take all the communications, needs and wants, and lead the Dynamic in a safe way for all.

A Poly dynamic also takes a solid Dom/Master. This takes a lot of experience on the Master/Dom's part. He is now responsible for the overall well-being of more than one sub/slave. He has to set the dynamic up correctly from the beginning to ensure that it is what everyone needs. This takes time, a lot of time. I think many who enter a Poly dynamic do not understand how much time it takes.

Please feel free to share your opinions. I am very interested in hearing other opinions on why someone's feeling they are becoming invisible or being pushed out of a dynamic could happen.

DaddiesPumpkin(switch female){Not Lookin} - Such a well informed post that I am sure some will take away some useful insights to such.

Communication is key to... Everything.

Thank you for sharing! 🌼

3 years ago

Bunnie - This was a great read, thank you.
In regards to as to why someone may begin to feel invisible within a new experience of Poly, I believe the key word is “feel.” It could simply be because they’re new to having to share, which although sounds silly, can definitely be an adjustment if the only other relationship dynamic someone has known is monogamy. There’s a possibility that they haven’t necessarily *become* invisible, but that it *feels* that way, because they’re not getting as much attention as they’re used to, or perhaps hoping for. There are aspects where I guess “invisibility” does exist to a degree, however, that’s where as you say, communication is imperative, which helps to build not only the trust of everyone involved, but also the confidence in each other that everything is ok, even if the focus is shared.

3 years ago

FullCanadian(switch male){MissB} - You asked for opinions; as someone else who's poly, I don't think you can call your situation "non hierarchical". You're in a closed poly dynamic looking for a second slave for a Dom. That's loaded with hierarchical implications. For example, can the slave have a second Dom or open up the dynamic? No? Only your Dom? That's hierarchical.

Also, you're assuming that anyone compatible with your Dom will simply fit right in with you after the fact via communication. This doesn't always happen. The new one could be a perfect fit with a Dom but not a good fit with you. What happens then?

Adding partners in poly is tricky enough when its open. Simply assuming that you can make any new partner fit into an existing dynamic and have nothing change and the Dom leading it all... this is a recipe for exactly the kind of isolation and feeling invisible that you're trying to avoid. And its damned sure not " non hierarchical ".

3 years ago

Lindsey Ciccino(sub female){Collared} - Let me clarify, first; I was not asking for opinions in my dynamic. I was using my dynamic as an example. I was asking for opinions on how this situation could arise. but since you brought it up and made some assumptions, I will clarify.
Second, the only hierarchical part of my dynamic is that our Master (Not Dom) is our lead, which would be true in any dynamic, Poly or not. The communication between the sub who is under consideration and me happens during the consideration phase of the dynamic. I should have pointed this out in my original post. The sub who is under consideration has to feel comfortable entering this dynamic with both of us. If you read what I had said closely, I said, "she and I are equal". Yes, He can know if the sub who is under consideration will be a fit with me because He knows me that well. He has taken the time and energy to know every little thing about me, past and present. So yes, to answer your question, He can know if the sub/slave could be a good fit. Again, that is why every dynamic, Poly or not, needs to have a consideration phase. My Master does not take what is not offered to him, so if she does not like the dynamic for whatever reason, she does not need to move past the consideration phase and will not offer her submission. No hard feelings.
Third, you refer to the word "making" a lot in your comment. Let me be clear when a dynamic is new, and the connection is being built. No one is making anyone do anything. Yes, I am an owned slave, and if my Master asks something of me, of course, I will comply, but it is different for the sub/slave under consideration.
Fourth, I am not sure if you are clear what a closed Poly dynamic is. No, the slave can not have a second Dom/Master nor can I; hence the closed Poly, which is made very clear from the beginning. Hence, the consideration phase. No, they could not open up the dynamic, again, closed poly.

"Simply assuming that you can make any new partner fit in and existing dynamic" I am not sure where you got this from. I never assume anything. You know what they say about assuming; it just makes an ass of you and me. No, not just anyone can fit into an existing dynamic. It takes knowing that person, that person knowing you and anyone else involved; it takes time, a lot of time. When and if someone is brought into this dynamic, we are not looking for a short-term or temporary thing, we are looking for forever, lifetime. That takes a level of time, energy, connection, and communication that many do not understand.

3 years ago

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Lindsey Ciccino​(sub female){Collared}

The Hidden slave

Becoming invisible in a Poly Dynamic

Lindsey Ciccino(sub female){Collared}