I wanted to get people's opinions on this situation. Small backstory. Since I have been in the lifestyle for some time now, I have taken it upon myself to mentor and help guide anyone who asks for help. I know as a slave, I should not be mentoring Doms. However, I don't mind giving my opinion and/or advice when asked.
I know a Dom who is new to the lifestyle. I don't believe he is ever going to mentor to become a Master or live a 24/7 lifestyle. However, he is willing to learn. He is married, his wife is not part of the lifestyle and he has a sub, who both the sub and wife know about each other.
He came to me with this situation and asked why and how he failed. The situation was...
His wife came to him and wanted to meet his sub and see what they did together, scenes, he went to his sub and she agreed. They were all together and he was doing some light impact. His wife asked if she could spank the sub with the paddle. Without asking his sub and they had not previously discussed if the wife would be involved beyond watching, he said yes, handed his wife the paddle and the wife give a few light smacks to the subs butt. The sub did not stop the scene at the time it happened and went along with it. However, once the wife had left and during aftercare, the sub expressed she was not happy with him and that he had crossed a line. He did not understand what had gone so wrong because everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves at the time.
I spoke to the sub and him about the situation. I did not speak to the wife. I explained to him that he lost sight of everyone's needs, not only his wife's needs and wants but his sub's needs and wants. In a poly dynamic, those can never be lost sight of. In my opinion, what needed to happen was he and the sub needed to sit down and discuss everything and possibilities that could happen and find out where that line was, what she was willing to do, and what her limits were. If this had been done, he would have known that one of her limits was impact with other people, she also was not comfortable being topped by someone she did not know and specifically a female. His wife's needs and wants were met but not the subs.
The reason I am bringing this up in a blog is not only to get other's opinions but also I believe that people who are new to this lifestyle can learn from this situation and not let it happen in their dynamics. Please let me know what you think and your opinion.
