This is the end of a chapter, hereafter i will not make single blog about him or our so called dynamic every again, i have put this to bed. I ended my 30 Days no contact on the note that I would break no contact in the future and reach out to my EX Dom. That stance has changed and after our last conversation i want nothing to do with him and anything he taught me is all a big fat lie, and i will be telling you why.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, but in D/s, it’s everything. Without it, there’s no surrender, no safety, no dynamic worth having. This is why what happened with him shook me—not just because he lied, but because of the layers behind that lie.
As me and him were getting to know each other, I asked him a simple, straightforward question: Are you single and when was your last dynamic? His answer? Yes, my last dynamic ended about a year ago. That was enough for me. There was no hesitation in his voice, no room for doubt in his words. I believed him.
But the truth was far from what he told me.
I stumbled upon his account on a different bdsm site and was bombarded by his declaration of his relationship, upon further investigation i discovered that he has been in this dynamic for few months. You can imagine the shock i felt in that moment. HE LIED! When i confronted him, he confirmed that it actually was't just a few months, but he had been in this committed dynamic for three years—the entire time of our dynamic. Every moment we shared, every scene, every conversation where I confided in him, trusted him, surrendered to him, it was all happening while he had another submissive and I had no idea she existed.
When I confronted him, his response wasn’t guilt or remorse. Instead, it was justifying what he did I wasn’t covering anything up or trying to hide anything out of malice—it’s just that my life was complicated then, being in the out of town, the dynamic being in flux; on when i'm there off when i wasn't , and I didn’t know how to put it all into words without making a mess of things. I also had thoughts of expanding without a foundation to expand on, i was balancing thought of the present and thoughts of the future, only to come back and have it all clash at the same time and for it all not to make sense. Looking back, I can see how that left you with questions, and I regret that. The timing, the dynamic—it was a lot for me to sort through, and I didn’t handle it as well as I could’ve. I wasn’t as open as I might’ve been because I was figuring things out myself, not because I wanted to keep you in the dark.. You were under serious consideration, but as started to piece things together and things started to make sense, you and being my sub made less and less sense, from a compatibility point of view and from the point of view of a lot of timelines not making sense. Things are still in flux, but they are making more sense now. I hope you can find some peace with that, even if it’s not the full picture you’re after.
Now i know people will want to say "well at least he acknowledge it" and "oh he is taking accountability for his actions" - to that i say in the nicest way possible BULLSHIT!
He kept up a lie for 6 months, painted this whole picture of how things would be when he is ready to expand, and possible subs he had in mind, and how he used that year to think and really figure things out but right now his focus is on me and cultivating our relationship and he wants to say it wasn't out of malice?? Turns out that the whole time I was the sub he was considering for expansion. He even had a chance to come clean, he brought up a sub and i asked him if he had anything in the past with her but he brushed it off as its just complicated. he could have told me. But he didn't. He chose to lie to me, paint this picture.
What angered me wasn’t just the deception—it was that he never gave me the chance to choose. He took away my ability to make an informed decision about who I was submitting to. And in D/s, where trust and transparency are essential, that’s not just dishonesty—it’s manipulation.
But here’s the thing: it would have changed everything.
Would I have entered a dynamic with him if I knew? No, not when i did, i would have let him sort through what ever it was he was going through, and tried once he was sorted and in a better place.
But he took that away from me, and used me to fulfill and reach his dream and life philosophy of having a closed triad dynamic.
I spent a while questioning myself after this. Was I in the wrong for not realizing sooner? Should I have asked better questions? Did I ignore red flags (which i did)? But the truth is, the blame isn’t mine. I asked the right questions. I trusted in good faith. The only mistake I made was believing someone who had no intention of being honest with me.
So, no, I wasn’t in the wrong. He was. And if nothing else, this experience has taught me that honesty isn’t something to be assumed—it’s something to be consistently proven.
I don’t write this as a warning, but as an acknowledgment. A reminder that even in dynamics built on discipline, integrity, and rules, deception can exist. And when it does, it has the power to shake the very foundation of what submission means. Trust can not be formed when the truth has been slightly altered or hidden to benefit one party.
With that being said...this is the conclusion of my 30 Days No Contact.
xoxo
N
