Murmurations of Me

Sometimes, just sometimes, I get things right! We’re in the middle of tourist season here, our beautiful wild countryside has been invaded by idiots who neither understand the country code (closing gates after you), how to drive on country roads (not at 30km per hour everywhere), nor how to dispose of rubbish correctly (not out the car window nor leave it on the beach after you, my personal biggest pet peeve). I work as a chef during the season, we’ve had a heatwave us Irish folk are incapable of dealing with, never mind working in a kitchen when it’s so hot no-one wants to cook at home 😩.

Anyway, my life had become work, home, recover and repeat for quite a few weeks so I hatched a plan to break the cycle somewhat today. We left our phones in the glove compartment of the car, and off we went touring around the beautiful peninsula we live in for the day, just me and my teen. We stopped and walked, we talked about how some flora was thriving in the extreme temperatures and others not so much with the lack of the usually abundant water supply. For some reason the honeysuckle has absolutely thrived this year and the smell hits you from around a corner before you can even see it! And the meadowsweet, well it’s so particularly pungent it would take your breath away.  We took our time and ambled pathways we haven’t done on foot (usually on horseback), and, for once, we just talked. No photos, no Instagram, just us and a memory made. 

My not so little teen has an incredible mind. She can switch from the dramas of her teenage life to the intricacies the 1916 rising in a nanosecond and yet the two seem inextricably linked somehow!!! We jotted down notes on old ruins and buildings we found along the way to “ask granny about”, and we stood on cliff edges and listened to that glorious low rumbling sound of the sea despite the incredible calmness of it today. We randomly stopped for coffees and treats just because we could. We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner out and were still hungry when we got home!!! Sometimes we had a serious dose of the giggles, and other times we just sat and took it all in, her arm through mine, a smile on her face and her head on my shoulder.

My incredible teen is just 14-years-old. She had quite a bad accident just three short weeks ago and was stood on (head and body) by her horse in a total freak accident that was no-one’s fault. Then last week we buried my aunt who died suddenly (not covid-related at all). We also visited her great-grandmother the same day who will be 89 in November.  

My incredible teen, who can stay up half the night chatting to friends came and gave me an enormous hug just before I started writing this to say goodnight. I was stunned for two reasons: she’s autistic and doesn’t do hugs; and, she’s never in bed before me 🤣🤣🤣. 

Some people are grateful for wealth, some for a foreign holiday, some for materialistic things, others for a gift or a thoughtful gesture. My gorgeous girl said “goodnight mom, thanks for taking me to smell the honeysuckle today”. I think I won at life today 🥰. 

I sat here on my couch last night with the windows and doors open in the hopes of cooling me down a little. A long day in a hot kitchen, aching legs and feet, thingy back, and omg the heat.... All I wanted was a little respite, just one night of cool air washing over me to let me sleep, and I was oh so hopeful for that with the glorious wind gusting through my home. 

Petulance came first, I wanted to stay up but knew I was back at it early this morning, yet I still felt like stomping my feet and just not going to bed lol. I should have gone sooner... I eventually gave up tossing and turning upstairs, even the wind was too hot. I tried reading, I tried gazing out the window at a star-filled sky... it was just too hot.

So down I came, my comfy sofa a little cooler, a guinea pig for company who clearly thought ridiculous-o’clock was the perfect time to demand more food! I opened the blinds, and there was the answer to it all - there’s a full moon coming.... it was huge, bright, shining like the sun and daring me to close the blinds again to find the darkness that my soul was missing a little of to get some sleep. I blame the moon, and I have another two nights of this before it leaves again...!

So whatever I say or do for the next two days, I take no blame for whatsoever lol. My body and mind are not my own when Luna comes to play...  

Well, my warm hug is finished now. I suppose it’s time for me to go find my other mistress (the sea) to cool the blood a little before I do some serious damage! 

MLP

I’ve inadvertently ended up having a week off from work in the middle of a heatwave (in Ireland). Much and all as I would have liked the circumstances of having the time off to be different, I can honestly say it’s been nice. It’s like the universe conspires to go “stop and smell the scenery” for a change instead of always having plans and rushing and and and and and... Just stop. 

So I have. I’ve stopped. But in that time that my body has stopped (working), my brain (and body) has been on overdrive. Mornings have been filled with lustrous heat, waking wet and ready and aching and wanting.  But I can’t... Night-time is filled with yearning and fevers and erotic thoughts so vivid I can smell the sex in my room. But I can’t... Daytime is filled with rubbing sun cream on skin, cool waters washing over an over-heated body, nipples hard and petulant and aroused by sun, sea and sand and the thoughts of what could be. But I can’t.... 

Why is it that when I finally have the time to relax, chill out, recharge, energise again that my body immediately shouts “SEX”? Anyone else like this too? It’s not like I’m not sexual any other time, but my gosh it’s eating me alive for breakfast dinner and tea these days! 

Title may be misleading 🤣. 
So a little conversation was had with my ever patient Daddy the other night and he urged me to blog my thoughts/questions. So here I am, sunburnt on the bits I couldn’t reach, hiding in the shadows of a beautifully cool house and deciding to “go there” on the braveness of a bevvy. I tried before to ask in another blog relating to lifestyle hard limits, and got some answers but I’ll admit to being utterly confused! 

A lot of conversation revolves around different types of sub, who they are, what they do/don’t do, what they need from a dynamic, our needs, our wants, how we choose to submit as opposed to being dominated. 

My question is relatively simple but multi-faceted: what do you, a Dom(me) need/want from a dynamic? WhT is YOUR must have? Sexual proclivities put to one side in this please!!! I have asked His Lordship this question and gotten a straight answer from Him which I must admit surprised me, but I’m quite happy with. I know what he offers in return, (so very very much), and without even asking he’s certainly providing what I myself want/need. But what makes you, you. What makes you a Dom in your mind (subbie brain asking politely). What do you feel courses through your veins? 

I know I could attempt to tell you what His Lordship is like to me, and if I did it wouldn’t necessarily be what He Himself may think or feel about Himself. But that’s from a sub’s perspective, not a Dom’s!!! 

I sincerely hope all of this makes sense...! Love and bubbles to all 😘

MLP

The ache begins early, in my head it begins before my eyes open, in my heart it’s always there. Thoughts of a warm firm body holding itself against my squishy one, hearing a heart beat apart from my own, a longing deep inside to be close or hear his voice, feeling my fingers wrapped in his... Ugh what I wouldn’t give. 

I quickly throw some random clothes on to make myself semi presentable, run downstairs, shock the dog by grabbing his leash and off we go. The heat is already there, the air heavy with the rays of a strong and very in-Irish sun. My little mutt frustrates me wanting to stop all the time, sniffing, marking, listening. Then I stop and do the same - well, minus the marking! The scents are so mixed: hay drying in the fields, scorched soil, hot tar on the road, someone is making fresh coffee... The sounds: the sea as always calling my name, the hun of tractors in faraway fields, children waking parents, someone’s radio playing soft tunes in the early morning. My daydream is broken quickly, remembering I have to get home quickly (injured child at home...). 

We take the shorter route and circle back around, the coolness of my home welcoming me back and now the coffee pot is calling me. My phone is in my hand while it brews, reading our messages, our snatched moments. My heart thuds loudly, my body responding to just words on a screen though I read them in his voice, that low rumble reverberating in my ears. I read back over the past days, seeing his support, feeling his strength, seeing the gaps in our conversations. How I adore him... 

Im lost for quite some time in my own head, my mind creating images and scenes almost from a movie they’re so intense of when I can finally go see him. I know I’m both early and late, but I send him my “good morning”, knowing what our morning together will hold today as all we’ve had have been snatched moments for so long, his life and mine more than a little chaotic and each of us missing the other. That beautiful smell of coffee assaults my senses, taking me back to my “now”. I pour my cup, watching my metaphorical warm hug fall in a hot dark stream of liquid lushness to the receptacle below. A new daydream begins, an image so vivid it takes my breath away and then “Mmmm good morning baby girl”. A new moment begins, and I smile all over again. 

What a week, where to begin. So many lows, but one incredible high 😊 followed by another pretty awesome one. 

Sometimes, life can deal some hard blows, and has to a very close friend of mine. So this past week I helped her through a court case to try and get protection from her ex 😔. It went ok, but it’s so difficult watching someone so strong being torn apart in utter fear...

Whilst there, however, my gorgeous maxord claimed me as his own 🥰 (I won’t be coming down from this particular high for quite some time!).

Next up was meeting the  utterly fabulous and glamorous and wonderful Miss T! I spent an hour chatting and laughing with her on the very long drive home. Coffee and some chitchat was awesome, i must say. 

But since then, I’ve worked my ass off and barely had time to look up let alone “live” too much. I even fell asleep without saying “goodnight” to His Lordship last night 😔. I’ve missed him so incredibly much even though we’ve both stayed in touch when we can. 

But Monday shall be ours. Sunday tomorrow, so just two more sleeps to go 🥳. Now I just need everything to stay calm and not get in the way of Monday!!!! 

Much love to all, and hoping to catch up on all the blogs I’ve missed next week. 

MLP

To Him, to the One, to the reflection in the mirror I see of myself. I’ve been there, been the new one, met the instas and the “make-believes”, the truly incredible ones who have lost their soulmates and given me the incredible advice not to “settle”, the ones who have held me higher than I’ve held myself, and the ones who just wished me happiness because of my blogs. I sit here tonight, (my time) in peace. I am who I am, I’m me. And he knows and accepts “me”. He accepts and wants “me”. For this, I adore Him. I thank everything for Him. He is the Him that I’ve always wanted, he’s the happiness I’ve always searched for along with the beautiful and TRUE people I’ve met here (you all know who you are...). 

So! Here’s to happiness. Here’s to being the best and truest version of you that you possibly can be. Because you can only be happy with someone else, if you are content in being you. 

(And max, thank you for the “youness of you”. You rock my world despite the time difference day after day 😘) 

Keep searching people. Much love and happiness from the Emerald Isle. 

I can’t stop the tears spilling from my eyes, hot wet splodges running down my cheeks. You soothe and comfort me, rubbing them away gently from my cheeks. I turn in your arms, my body now facing yours, naked and stripped bare against you and all you do is wrap yourself around me and hold me tight and close, pulling a blanket down over me and wrapping me up. How could I have gotten it all so wrong? How could I not see my own mistake and then felt fear of you in response? 

Your hands finally bring my face to yours, a gentle kiss as our lips meet, just the one. Your eyes search mine, finding the pain of my own reflected in yours. “I’m so sorry Daddy.” Your rough hands wipe away the last tears, your thumb once again finding my lips and rubbing gently across them. “I know baby girl. Now then, do you still want to play?” I take a moment to answer, the air pregnant with anticipation of my reply.  “Whatever you desire, Daddy, my body is yours.”

”There’s my Good Girl”, you shift underneath me, getting us both to our feet, taking my hand and leading me upstairs. 

(The true ending is up to all of you...)

The end

I’m so lost in the scent of you, listening to you softly sing along to Van the Man, feeling the soothing rumble of your voice against me. My worries at disappointing you fade away, my only purpose to mould myself to you and move with you for now, just to be yours. 

The music ends, you take my hand in yours and we head for the couch. I gaze at the stairs as we do, my eyes drawn to my clothes still folded on the floor in the hall. I’m unsure again and feeling naked. You sit first, then draw me down between your legs, my back against your chest. I try to relax, but clearly fail. “Tell me what’s wrong baby girl, you’re tense.”  Your hands trace patterns on my skin, your fingertips like feathers. A soft gentle kiss on the top of my head, your face resting there and I feel you take a breath and take in my own scent. I can’t help how my body reacts, a hot flush across my cheeks showing my embarrassment at my utter lack of control when with you. “I made you angry, I disappointed you Daddy.” Your strokes on my skin stop for a moment, then begin again. “Why do you think that baby?” I try to ignore your fingertips dancing a more vivid dance on my skin and think hard about what happened. “Because of what you did?” I half answer, half question. 

You touch me then, really touch me. You avoid my nipples, you avoid my sex, you avoid every part of me. But my god you touch me. Your fingers dig deep, your thumbs wake my body and probe my heart and soul. 

Just as suddenly you stop. Your hand gently turns my face to you. “Think about what you just said baby girl. Think about what happened. Who really got angry...?” I search your face, your eyes. I find softness, I find a question and an answer reflected in them. “Me. I’m the one that got angry.” I feel the tears well in my own as the realisation washes over me.

Your hands and arms wrap tightly around me, your mouth finding mine, your legs wrapping and pinning me down. “Good girl.”

(to be continued...)

The gentle growl of your engine lets me know it’s time, my heart racing in excitement. I start to strip, folding my clothes as I go and then kneeling by the door, aching inside thinking of what’s to come. You left me messages this morning, all over the house... Crotchless underwear, plug on my dressing table, clamps looped on the stairs, rope on the door handle, and beside the coffee machine a beautiful new leather tawse. I’ve spent all day touching it, smelling it, rubbing it against my skin... I adore the smell of new leather, it’s so intoxicating. My pussy tightens in anticipation as your key turns in the door. 

Your feet are what I see first, reaching to unlace your boots as I always do then tugging on them gently to take them off. A little sigh of relief from you, then “thank you baby girl”.  Your hand reaches under my chin to raise my face to yours, a gentle rub of your thumb across my lips as my eyes finally meet yours.  “You’re welcome Daddy.” I can feel my juices on my thighs already. “Something smells good. Shall we eat?” I can’t hide my disappointment, I can’t hide anything from you. You chuckle, “patience my dear, it’s been a long day, I’m hungry.” 
“Of course Sir.”

You frown at me, your eyes narrowing, knowing my use of Sir expressed my displeasure. “Wall.” I quickly rise and lean my hands against the wall, my ass back towards you with my legs spread. The sting of your palm against my ass hurts, and not in a good way.  Your fingers forcing their way inside me cruelly and viciously catch me by surprise, fucking me hard and fast with carelessness. “Is this what you want slut?”, your mouth beside my ear as your other hand grabs my nipple and twists and yanks mercilessly making me cry out and beg you to stop, tears in my eyes at your anger.  “No Daddy, please stop. This isn’t what I want at all.” Your hand rubs at the heat of your handprint on my rump, soothing it. “Let’s eat then.”

I glance down at my clothes on the floor, feeling very naked and very vulnerable all of a sudden. I know better than to ask, you would have told me if you wanted me dressed.  You take my hand and lead me to the kitchen, grabbing an apron from the hook, you drape it around my neck. I’m glad of the covering. “So what delight do we have to eat this evening?” “I made thai red curry for you,” I reply as I hand you a beer. You leave it on the table and walk out. I hear you make your way upstairs, and wonder if I should follow. You haven’t done this before, but you didn’t tell me to, so I quickly dish up dinner, my hands clumsy as my brain tries to figure out where you’ve gone. You finally reappear as I’m putting your plate down. 

“Inspection”. I turn to face you, my hands clasped behind my neck, legs spread wide, fear in my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Daddy.” You reach around me, pulling on the bow of the apron to untie it. You pull it over my head, leaving me naked in front of you once again. Your mouth finds a nipple, licking and teasing, your teeth tugging and playing with it. My mind is racing, so unsure of what’s going on yet completely consumed by what you’re doing to me. 

You move to the other one, your hand slipping between my legs and rubbing something against my clit and pussy. “Turn around baby girl,” and I comply immediately. Suddenly I feel something pushing against my ass, opening me up and filling me. The plug... It’s magically sucked in, firmly held in place achingly... You usually open me up gently, not this time. It’s been a while since you used my ass. “Now we can eat.”

I’m so stunned I can’t even reply. I grab my own plate and join you at the table. You make casual conversation about your day and watch me squirm in my seat, barely able to eat my own food. You ask about mine and I try to remember how it was, my mind drawing a blank about so much of it. You reach for my hand, press my palm against your lips and thank me for dinner. My heart finally starts to calm to a gentle thud. I’m forgiven. You stand and pull me up with you, pull me close against you, your arms circling around me, your body moving to the music playing, swaying gently with mine. I rest my head on your shoulder, your hands reaching to cup my ass and pull me closer to you, one gently soothing the heat, the other pushing at the plug between my cheeks reminding me of what’s to come...

(to be continued...)