The ache begins early, in my head it begins before my eyes open, in my heart it’s always there. Thoughts of a warm firm body holding itself against my squishy one, hearing a heart beat apart from my own, a longing deep inside to be close or hear his voice, feeling my fingers wrapped in his... Ugh what I wouldn’t give.
I quickly throw some random clothes on to make myself semi presentable, run downstairs, shock the dog by grabbing his leash and off we go. The heat is already there, the air heavy with the rays of a strong and very in-Irish sun. My little mutt frustrates me wanting to stop all the time, sniffing, marking, listening. Then I stop and do the same - well, minus the marking! The scents are so mixed: hay drying in the fields, scorched soil, hot tar on the road, someone is making fresh coffee... The sounds: the sea as always calling my name, the hun of tractors in faraway fields, children waking parents, someone’s radio playing soft tunes in the early morning. My daydream is broken quickly, remembering I have to get home quickly (injured child at home...).
We take the shorter route and circle back around, the coolness of my home welcoming me back and now the coffee pot is calling me. My phone is in my hand while it brews, reading our messages, our snatched moments. My heart thuds loudly, my body responding to just words on a screen though I read them in his voice, that low rumble reverberating in my ears. I read back over the past days, seeing his support, feeling his strength, seeing the gaps in our conversations. How I adore him...
Im lost for quite some time in my own head, my mind creating images and scenes almost from a movie they’re so intense of when I can finally go see him. I know I’m both early and late, but I send him my “good morning”, knowing what our morning together will hold today as all we’ve had have been snatched moments for so long, his life and mine more than a little chaotic and each of us missing the other. That beautiful smell of coffee assaults my senses, taking me back to my “now”. I pour my cup, watching my metaphorical warm hug fall in a hot dark stream of liquid lushness to the receptacle below. A new daydream begins, an image so vivid it takes my breath away and then “Mmmm good morning baby girl”. A new moment begins, and I smile all over again.
