Here I am again, rolling thoughts and dreams and aspirations into my words (and my fantasies too of course...)
I come from a family of teachers, although I’m not one myself. They still gather and discuss on a regular basis the intricacies of teaching - not to be confused with subjects, but actually teaching. Now whilst what they do utterly fascinates me, the way they analyse, debate, structure, restructure, adjust, they use core techniques and practices since they were all in college, a lot of questions arise in the broader spectrum of the ultimate educating of young minds. A question that rolled in my head but I didn’t voice for some time was a simple one but I voiced it recently: “how do you teach a child that 1+1=2?” The answer was in surround sound: “First you teach the oneness of one.”
In a way, it was quite a philosophical answer. So here was I in my own little head last night reading the beautiful blogs here and the forums, and the oneness of one popped into my head. You see, with the greatest of respect for all here (and certainly not criticising anyone for their own personal beliefs/understandings of who and what they are), I think there may be a Domness of Dom that I have failed to comprehend along the way somewhere.
I write my blogs to try and garner a greater understanding of what it is I am looking for in search of my own peace, my own “survival, my own nirvana (the Holy Trinity on a power trip!). I’m the dreamer who dreams while sitting and reading and researching the intricate balance of one of the most beautiful relationships there is. Why is it then when I see my inbox do I inwardly cringe a little and only peek at messages through one eye? Is it irrational fear?
I have met some truly inspirational and beautiful people here, and some absolute idiots too (in my opinion). To me, the Domness of Dom is the unfettered belief that one is worthy of another’s submission, not that one is entitled to dominate. Yes, the courtship is arduous and long from what I can see, the dance of “kinks”, the moonlit walk of “common interests”, the dinner of “intellect”. But where has respect gone to?
Maybe I’m attracting the wrong ones, but I have a litany of “your mine”s in my inbox, or “you just need training”. What I’m polite, to a fault actually. I will reply for the most part. What some fail to see is the impact some of those messages have on my mind. Whilst I’m upholding my own morals and standards by being mannerly in my replies, the Dominators (as described above) are not happy, and some make that abundantly clear immediately. What does that do to me? I’m a pleaser, it’s who I am, I’m a sub who craves to please. So expressing your displeasure at our lack of a common goal is difficult for me to handle sometimes. to me, just because we’re not the same or hold the same core value of the Domness of Dom or the Subness of Sub doesn’t mean we need to hurt in retaliation.
So for those of you wondering, I have researched a lot and have engaged with a few. I am well aware of “how to submit”, even if it does terrify me quite a bit and how it may work my life in a different way. For me, at least, I can give an equation to explain the Domness of Dom and the Subness of Sub.
For me:
Dom + sub = worthy
I am worthy of your dominance, you are worthy of my submission. We are each equal. This may not come from the same school of thought as you, but that’s ok - we were all educated differently after all... that doesn’t preclude us from having a conversation though...
