So my profile says I am a Submissive. Then it goes on to show I am unattached and lists who I am looking for and what I claim to be (dying to try out that lady by day shit). Words of warning for those who stopped reading there: No where in the rest of it does it state the words "desperate" to be just anyone's submissive.
It does state I have no problem looking anyone dead in the eye. How unsubby of me, right? Wrong! How pathetic that some one who look to a word or title and think that another can't stand up toe to toe and be in control of their own life. I am in control, mostly, of all aspects of me. I ask no ones permission to do just about anything in or out of this fickle lifestyle. I am in possession of my own Dominance. But that doesn't mean I want to be, just that no one yet has proven they are ready or able to handle what powerful possession that is.
I crave, long, desire (grab a damn thesaurus) to put this in some one else's hands. Whether it's total or partial control of my life. But I know it's worth and my worth. I have given it away before and had it used abused and betrayed. I keep it deep inside very thick walls now. I wonder if it will ever see the light of day again?
No mere chest pounding, whip cracking, self declaration of Dominant title is going to crack through. I love to observe people, see how they tick. Its very telling of just how much control and character they posses in the realm of all of this. So I doubt their domliness? Only in how it pertains to me and how it would never work.
I am not a brat, love my bratty friends, its just not me. I am difficult, opinionated and strong willed. I know what I NEED to see in someone to even think it could work. Maybe its been to long that the Dominant in me wants to just take over. But that isn't me, as amusing as it sounds, I would be miserable. I need a strong (not abusive) hand, I need a authoritative voice to calm me down, and I need eyes that will stare into my soul.
I am tired of being my own Dominant. My hands are shaking, my voice is cracking and the mirror fails to reflect any light anymore. But I am not weak just waiting albeit impatiently for some one so I can finally say I am not my own Dominant anymore. Again it won't and can't just be anyone so until then.....
And no, absofuckingly not looking for an online Dominant, before you ask...
