Preface: Yes, there are those who are strictly here for the sexual aspect of BDSM. Bedroom only dynamic. Not to discredit their style of Kink but for this blog will be further refered to as the Wang Bang. Contact is made and end result is that sex is the primary goal with either little intent or substance for it to progress beyond one or both being sexually gratified.
Many of us however are not looking for the Wang Bang. We are here for the full course meal. No, not saying that we don't want sex but that in of itself is not primary to the D/s lifestyle we either are looking for or engaged in. Its one part of the whole and isnt, at least for me, what is primary for a successful D/s relationship. I love sex but honestly I can get that anywhere. Finding a compatible D/s dynamic, that turns into a day in day out, in and out of the bedroom lifestyle is another story.
The Wang Bang negation is pretty straight forward. Where, when, how, who, limits and safeword; good to go. Its a single scene or moment that is planned and played out. Meet at XYZ do ABC and done. If it was mutually satisfying in needs and wants it may or may not repeat again.
For lifestylers its quite a bit more in-depth. There has to be a commonality and communication that takes place before proceeding. Most aren't going to respond to a random "wanna suck my dick/spank my ass". The online scene included. If within your first three messages you want a nudie pic or talk on Skype 90%of you will fall into the Wang Bang category. Feel free to debate this but given a choice of instant gratification or getting to know the person for a while to actually know who you are literally or virtually undressing and you choose sex....you are a Wang Banger. Don't fight it own it. If that's your thing, do it and do it well. I will digress enough that if your having to repeatedly throw out new lines for new fish, you might wanna rethink on that do well part.
Back to topic: I am not a Wang Banger. I along with many others are not into Wang Bangers. We are either happily content in our D/s relationship or are seeking one that is satisfying beyond an hour tie, flog and grind session. Sex becomes the desert not the main course. And just like any great 8 course meal, it takes time to shop, prep, cook and consume those courses before serving up the pudding.
The main dish is trust. The meat of the meal. Everything else compliments or enhances that trust. Communication is the seasoning and the fetishes are the sides. But sex is desert; sex is pudding.
How can you have your pudding if you don't eat your meat???
Well you can. Ask any Wang Banger. Pudding can be its own delish. But is that all you are wanting out of all this? Or are you looking for a lifestyle?
If so, I wish you well. Don't knock me however in your messaging how I am a waste of time to talk to because I choose to prepare the meal rather than skip to your watery pudding. Yeah, even pudding needs to set.
