I had to think carefully about how to say this, so it doesn't come across as negative or self-pitying.
I've been trying to dip my toe into the dating world. Anyway, I met this awesome, pretty girl who I like, who is close to my age, and with whom I have some mutual interests. I do really like her. I also worry about compatibility issues, (beyond just the sexual stuff, there are some, I gotta admit) and I wonder where things will go, if it will go anywhere. I want it to, of course, because she is totally awesome, talented and amazing. But at the same time I worry that it will leave me, and possibly both of us, unfulfilled in the end. She is cute, but very, very, vanilla sexually- and that is fine. I cannot complain about that; liking someone for who they are also means accepting what they are not.
I guess it will be a challenge to me to make the first move, to subtly understand her mood without being told. I've never been that good at being the dominant, or the instigator. I remember longing to kiss her, even, but wasn't even sure if that wasn't too forward.
If there is anything that will come of this, she inspired me to do a deep cleaning and de-cluttering of the house. Thank God she didn't see the place before hand. Her place, and particularly the kitchen, while not immaculate, did inspire me to get to work. Maybe that's the key, just being inspired to improve yourself and your own environment without the coercion of whips and paddles! I hope to see her again soon. Dating is hard enough, especially when you've feel trapped in your own head and your own "alternative" sexual needs for so long. But when she comes over, which I hope will happen soon, to maybe share a meal (I will try to cook as well as she does) or more, at least she won't judge me for a messy kitchen.
I don't mean to dwell too much on my personal life, though. I guess everyone has one. I hope that everyone will eventually find the happiness they seek.