Mom is out of the hospital and into a rehab clinic. I was able to talk to her and she's sounding both mentally and physically tired, but in good spirits and they doctors say that she is making remarkable progress.
I know intellectually that nobody lasts forever. I try not thinking about it. I've taken it for granted that she will always be there, dispensing motherly advice, someone to share both joys and sorrows with. I always enjoy letting her know what I've been up to, what I've been doing, and the ins and outs of my romantic life and more casual social life. If she's not there, some day she won't be- I don't have many other people with that kind of relationship.
Sometimes, people who have not had many hardships growing up, can end up as selfish or entitled, or just not as resilient when bad things happen. Others grow up, maybe children of divorce, with dysfunctional families, or struggling with poverty, or they may move around a lot, and live in a dozen places by the time they're 18. While some of them have issues later in life, many of them are adaptable, hardy, resourceful and resilient from having to grow up fast. I guess I was lucky, having lived in the same house until I was 18, and I was always able to go back and visit there. I was grateful for that. It was like re-charging and reconnecting. I don't know how many more times I'll be able to. I was"Lucky" in that way, but maybe if my life had been more chaotic when I was young, maybe I would have been able to build up those walls, had more emotional stoicism, and been more resourceful and independent. I was, quite honestly, kind of a punk when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I regret all of that now. Another kid I knew, he was basically an emancipated minor at age 12, with his own apartment, and a father who would stop by, take him out to dinner, and be like "You need anything? Here's two hundred bucks for food and clothes." All the kids admired this guy because he always walked around with a ton of money and never had parental supervision. The grass is always greener I guess. He found his family, sense of belonging, and his moral compass all at the same time, when he joined the Marines. They gave him all that there. I always thought that was pretty cool. It's tough and brutal but man, they TEACH you stuff, and it's a brotherhood of honor and discipline.
Enough rambling. I was able to get out and take a walk in the hills today. The sky shone blue for the first time in literally two weeks, though it was bitterly cold and windy, it felt good to tromp around in the Owyhee foothills. Cleared my head, allowed me to really think about things.