It seems like, in the last couple years, it's been a tough battle with more grief and loss than pleasure. I know, what a shitty way to start off a blog post, with something negative like that. I almost didn't want to write this for that reason.
So, there was this guy. Great friend over the years, even though about 5 or 6 years ago he moved to a different city and we kind of drifted apart. As much fun as this guy was- well, first of all, don't get the wrong idea: He was just a "Bro," a good buddy, one of those guy friends who are always down for doing something fun, going out, or having crazy adventures with. You know, a "wing man," one of our circle of friends, just a great guy to hang with.
This sucks, and so I'll just come out and say it: As cool as he was, he had a dark side: He battled opiate addiction for most of his adult life. And the other day, he lost the battle.
Technically, I guess you could call it more of a "surrender," but the end result is the same: He's just gone, permanently.
I've wavered most of the day feeling a mix of sadness but most of all, anger. Like, wanting to punch holes in the walls kind of anger. I mean, he battled addiction for as long as I knew him, so I suppose it was inevitable but still. He'd be doing fine for a while, but somehow just couldn't stay clean.
When I say, "Don't do drugs," I probably come off as some self-righteous straight edge narrow minded doo-gooder, but if you've ever lost someone to addiction, you will hopefully understand.
However, I will remember stuff like that epically fun ass rafting trip, him getting dunked as we were flying through churning white water, me pulling him back into the boat, both of us laughing hysterically and loving every minute of it. Or going downtown all those times and watching out buddies' bands playing, or backyard parties at his place, where nobody drank out of respect for those "in the program," but everyone nonetheless had a blast. Hanging out swimming in the river, or up at the springs, where I first met him and his girlfriend like 25 years or something like that ago. I'll think about stuff like that and smile, then remember that it's over and get sad again.
Fucking heroin. Just don't get involved with it. Don't try it, don't fuck with it, don't even be tempted. You might think, "Oh yeah, I'm fine with smoking weed, what's the difference, that which don't kill you only makes you stronger, the whole just say no thing is a joke." With that shit, it's no joke.
Anyway, maybe posting this is just a way to clear the air and help me process it all. So that's about it. See ya.
