Last night, I woke up from a deep and disturbing erotic dream. Sometimes dreams can be a reflection of your deepest- and darkest- fantasies. I suspect that was what triggered this. I won't dwell on it, or describe it any further, other than it involved me being, well... submissive.
But when I fell back asleep, it was all sweetness and light. She was someone I met in the halls of the classroom unit where I was back in school once again, a 20 year old living in the dorms. Tall, dark hair, kind of pretty if not stunningly gorgeous, and quirky and intellectual instead of your typical snooty rich girl preppy princess type. We hit it off, chatting about school, music, professors, college- and she gave me her number and I couldn't wait to call her. As I walked back to the dorm room, I saw her and we smiled and winked at each other. When I woke up it was not without a bit of disappointment that it wasn't real. She would have been the type of girl I have always been casually attracted to- with no deep and disturbing baggage attached.
So, one of the things I did when I woke up for good, was break down the old, rusted out barbecue grill and put it into the trash.
It's a weird feeling, to get sentimental about something as pointless and simple as a mere barbecue grill. But I still felt a bittersweet pang when I realized it was not going to make it through one more 4th of July cookout, and I needed to replace it. So I got a shiny new one for the holiday, and it worked perfectly, cooking sausages and brots for the block party we've been having, by tradition, for the last 5 or 6 years. Just a simple charcoal grill, not a gas one.
I had got my old one at a yard sale nearly 20 years (or more) ago- before I even moved into this house I live in. Paid five bucks for it. After 20 years, I would certainly say I got my moneys worth. I remember all the fun parties in the past that I had, using that grill. Cooking kabobs on it for past 4th of July parties, which were attended by people who are now long since moved away- or in two cases, no longer alive (in this phase of reality. I'd like to think we'll meet again in another one.) Good, wonderful times with these people. And my first house-warming party, held during a cold February evening, cooking outside on the deck. Reflecting on people who have come and gone over the years. All those who attending parties over here with that charcoal grill as the centerpiece of these gatherings.
Last year, I noticed that it was leaning badly off balance. The ash collector plate at the bottom was dented and battered. And when I examined it more closely, I noticed that the bottom of the grill, where the leg shaft brackets attach, was rusted almost completely through, by all three legs. One of them was now poking through the bottom, making it tilt. I got one more party out of it, last year, but then I realized it was no longer even safe to use; one more cookout could potentially cause it to collapse and spill burning coals everywhere. So I realized I better replace it. For some reason I waited until the week after breaking in the new one to dispose of it, though. You might say I gave it an extra week to enjoy retirement, ha ha.
And I realize now this is a whole lot of post about nothing, yada yada. Or rather, it's about a $5 yard-sale find charcoal grill that lasted me 20 years and brought some good memories and great vibes with it. Or maybe it's just being sentimental about dumb things. Rest in peace, old rusted grill. That's about it for now.