I'm having a ponder over the insanity of modern dating. I appreciate everyone's feedback and I've learnt a few things. It's appreciated.
I would like to share a different dilemma I've noticed with men. It's not something I can 'fix' as a woman and nor would I want too... its not my place but I do think it's important to acknowledge.
I have noticed a few things about community and men that I would like to share here... with the hopes that men may go and support each other a little bit.
1,
Dating... so I've noticed two types of guys. The flat broke men that have much more to offer a woman than they think but struggle to believe it. Guys who are ambitious, trying but haven't quite got there yet... often in their 20s and 30s
They often think they are not good enough and are doing the women a favour by not being with her.
You then have the other type of guys who have grinded away at life, hit 45 to 55 are quite successful and realised they never prioritised having a family.
The younger ones are terrified that they aren't worthy of you because they don't have any yet, while the older ones are terrified they will pick the wrong woman and loose everything.
Both are completely avoidant and I've tried both... neither of these work because they are always half out of the relationship.
Then you have the third kind that thinks because he has his own house, a stable job and is doing quite well that they can take you out of two dates, you carry the conversation or quite literally sit there in silence because he can't hold a conversation and then expects you because he paid, when all you wanted was to get to know him.
.....
2,
Then there is another issue... this has happened in a few different scenarios now. Discussing things like future family kids ect... just generically to see if you both want the same thing.
He panics... goes to speak to a 'friend' who tells him what a burden those things are and that he's not capable of it, so why on earth would you want such things.... are you mad... why would you want the hassle and burden of a wife or children.
I find this incredibly sad because in two instances the men I know want those things for themselves... irrespective of if they are with me or not. It's almost like they need the guidance of an older man say it's okay to want that stuff, it's okay to panic about it too. But if it's something you do want have a think over the next 2 years of how to get to that point of being stable enough to have those things if that's what you want.
Instead they turn to hyper emotional insecure friends who have no concept of how to attain such things or their own marriage is an absolute disaster and it's so bad they convince the guy that it's simply not worth the burden... that they are not capable of it.
Which is a lie. They are capable if they choose to be. Which is something no one tells them.
Do men need better male guidance in understanding women and relationships. Would an uncle type figure help? Is this something that is currently missing or is it unique to my situation?
Thanks
Rose