I've been very grateful for your support and insights over the past few weeks.
I've reflected on some of the points and realised a few errors on my part that have given me a new perspective, which I am very grateful for.
I think this is an issue many women experience so am sharing my new insights. Please feel free to comment, agree or disagree below ☺️
I have unintentionally emasculated the men I am with... this is not done out of mothering them... being argumentative or disagreeable... quite the opposite
I thought I was being accommodating... easy going... reducing the burden... lightening the load
I was wrong... men like the weight it helps them feel masculine. Like a man. They like something to aim for...
What do I mean?
He suggests going on date... a movie... getting you a rose or going to see a fancy building...
What do I do....
'that's okay, it's not needed, we can just go for coffee'....
I think I'm being accommodating, I'm being nice. I struggle with self worth and feeling cared for seems completely alien to me. So I have to manage the situation... I'm an absolute idiot. I didn't realise and now I can't un see it.
No... a man wants to feel capable.. I have just robbed his oppertunity to feel masculine and plan a date.
What I should have done is said 'thank you, that sounds amazing I really appreciate it' ... the problem is I don't think I'm worth it and I like being corrected... aka 'no I'm sorting it anyway'
But men are often told off for being assertive and until they know you better just be accepting because it comes across as ungrateful.
The same thing goes for relationships... if you lower you expectations to be accommodating you remove the man's ability to feel like he is chasing a prize he can win. It's up to him to meet those expectations and challenges. It gives him purpose and joy as a man... how am I only learning this at 34
This is going to be challenging habit for me to break.... ive had to be capable and strong and hard .... its terrifying. It shouldn't be but it is. Because women spend their whole lives being accommodating to family, especially with caring raising siblings, putting their needs to one side.
You have to have the confidence to accept what is willingly given and maintain your expectations of what it is you want out of the relationship. To know what your needs even are and make them attainable for the man... be reasonable but have goals.
Guys... have I understood this from your perspective?
Thanks
X