Masocism for me was alway though of as the physical aspect of pain. I do like pain but not in this sense i enjoy sharp pain and the prolonged session of spanking is very difficult to me to endure i would rather have short sharp pain (just my preference). For this reason i have never identified as masocistic.
I have had a really big revolation recently....
I am masocistic in a very different way.. psyologically. I have endured a lot in my life and have always seen this as part of the journey, however i have come to the conclusion that i do make tasks a lot harder for myself unintentonally as i enjoy a challange. The more i have thought about this the more i consider myself to the extreeme end of masocisim in this way.
An insight:
One example is self sabotage as i enjoy challanges and occasionally take this too far. An example would be setting strick time limits and trying to stay within them, it doesnt always go to plan. Or seeing how much of a book i can read in one night with no sleep and get up the next day. I admit these are most likely stupid examples but thats me...
I have many more examples and have pushed myself past boundaries i probably shouldnt have at times. This to me is psycological masochism and most of my day is spent with this unintended partner, i belive i am at the extreeme end of this to the point i have spent months doing tasks i hate just to see if i can... erm not great i admit.
As mentioned previously i have been in some really shitty situations at some points in time and you just get on with it but at some point i think you become used to operating under that pressure and dont really know what to do when its gone, its like a security blanket a comfort... however this may be very difficult for others to understand. I see pain and love as the same this my mind cannot seperate them and if i have one without the other i panic. For me this is something i need to work on but it is psycological for example uncomfortable situations are where i am comfy and panic if it is comfy; im an odd one to say the least. It is a good revolation to have but i need to keep in mind if i am uncomfy - aka comfy and safe for me, the other person may not be... comfy they may find it difficult, its important to consider this however as to me its comfy the thought had never crossed my mind previously.
I am curious now as i had never considered this before and how it would work in a D/s style
