... how i missed you.
You have been pacing back and forth in the corner. Patiently waiting.
Its time now, a new life is waiting. I missed you my old friend, the freedom, the backbone you had, you had to hide.
To quote 'it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me.... and im feeling good'
Something is new, i have a deep black depth of something new... it makes me smile in a way i imagine movie villains do. Is this a new sadistic side ive discovered? Hmmm
My inner freak has been patient and compressed for too long....
The odd thing? This isn't just my bdsm side, my eyes are going black, this is the smell of freedom.
Family can be awesome or fuck you up beyond belief. With any luck by the end of the week im free again.
I DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT!!!
No more listening to how i can't do something like halfway through my dissertation saying 'well i never expected you to pass anyway' while because of university fuck ups i became financially dependent on idiots. No more of your dad is a bastard while then lying to me for 26years about sole custody. Just to tell me the truth in my final year of study because i threatened to get the court papers. Litterly eviscerated him, homelessness the whole fucking works. Yes im being serious.
WOO FUCKING HOO.
MY INNER BITCH HAS RETURNED AND SHE SMELLS FREEDOM. ITS BEEN TOO FUCKING LONG.
I never used to like vindictiveness... i still don't but i do wonder if it hits a point of survival. I could drag her through the fucking court system, she doesn't think i would, hopefully i never have to. But offers of you should work close with me so we can make sure your safe, should be approached with serious caution. I know exactly what is meant by 'safe'.
Refused me help for a month or two until i split with my ex. Im a fucking emotional punching bag for her emotional baggage, when she couldn't attack my dad anymore it was me by proxy, even had family die without ever seeing them because i wasn't 'allowed' to find out its all shit.
Its painful seeing what she's done to others, yet thinks she's all compassionate thinks everyone is ultimately good exept for these few people who i have to fuck over endless. All i can say is toxic positivity is a head fucker when you see it used to justify shitty behaviour. Either that or she is an actual psychopath that reads self help books endlessly so she can mimic the behaviour to hide the shit show that follows her.
I never wanted university because i knew i would be stepping back into a cage at some point to keep me there and get through. To my ex Dom, who believed in me, who knew of the lies used to manipulate me before i did, who gave me a path to freedom... thank you xxx
I know it cost more than you wanted it to, when the hooks are in deep they won't come out easily. She litterly destroys anyone else i can ever rely on... all so i only ever have her there. Be it family, friends or even opportunities. She was so pissed i moved away and to uni it took 2 years for her to fucking visit. After refusing any support or help while watching things imploded. She refused to speak to me for 6 months. Yes this is a grown adult.
Before uni, i barely survived but was free. Its been hell. I've lost my sanity more than once.
Ive always had good instincts. Thank God i do. Its a matter of getting back up. I am going nowhere near any 'offer' from here to 'help me', keeping eyes open and mouth shut occasionally has its advantages.
One of the most vindictive, emotionally abusive arsehats ive ever had the displeasure of knowing. Im counting the days.... until i can pick and choose when i interact. Christmas was mine this year, was awesome.
I with i could tell my ex thank you. He gave up a lot to give me that opportunity when no one else would.
IM ALMOST THERE.
JUST A LITTLE LONGER.
This ... is why im thorny, if you can't handle thorny, then you will be eviscerated by my family.
My old friend, patiently waiting, oh how i missed you... welcome back x
