This is something I need to keep in mind, too, because it's something I struggled with in the past.
Submissives, you have power, too.
You choose to give power to those whom you consent to submit to, but you can say no. You can revoke consent. You can even stop that TPE relationship. No contract from our lifestyle that says otherwise is legally binding.
Remember this. Remember. You have the right, and you ARE right, to say no to something that will truly harm you. To say no to something you don't want to do, that will make you feel bad about yourself, that will dredge up old trauma, that will hurt you in a bad way.
Yes, even if your dominant is pushing for it.
Yes, even if you are afraid they will be upset with you if you stand up for yourself and assert those boundaries.
A good dominant will accept "I don't want to do this, I am not comfortable, I am not ready, this is a hard limit," even if it wasn't a hard limit before. Even if it might not be in the future.
A good dominant will respect you, just as you, as a good submissive, will respect them.
You need to use your words. You need to use your rights. You need to protect yourself. Your dominant cannot really read your mind. If they are a good dominant, they will not want to harm you. They will not want to make you feel like shit. They will not want you to be injured. They will not want you to fall down the rabbit hole of endless flashbacks, if you have PTSD.
They won't push. They won't threaten to leave you just because you set a boundary. They won't frighten and bully you into saying yes to something you don't feel okay with.
If they do, then you have the power to walk away. It's so goddamned hard to sometimes, but you know what?
Not all that yields is weak.
Remember that, from Kushiel's Dart?
Not all that yields is weak.
You have the right and the power to change your mind. Where you are at, and what is healthy or unhealthy for you, can change from day to day.
You need to let them know where you are at. You need to let them know if something would likely cause harm, even if, on another day, it wouldn't.
You need to let them know, if you can, before something becomes harmful. Before it poisons the relationship. Before it ends up harming you both.
This all seems so simple. It all seems so obvious. But it gets exponentially harder when you are in that submissive headspace. When you have been conditioned to submit. When you are overcome with the urge to please, the desire to take everything they want to dish out, for them. When "I'm very disappointed right now" is just so devastating. When you get caught up, and the endorphins start to flood just from talking to them. Just from thinking about them.
You still can say no. You can. Push yourself to, if you need to. Value yourself. By valuing yourself, you value your partner. By protecting yourself, you are respecting your dominant, because you are respecting what is theirs. You are taking proper care of what is theirs.
We have, in this lifestyle, a covenant of trust. It goes both ways. We submissives need to trust that our dominants will keep us safe and not trample our boundaries. Our dominants need to trust that we will let them know when something's not ok, and not hide things that will cause harm to us, them, and maybe their reputation, as well.
Even though it's hard as hell.
You CAN say no. Even if, in the past, you negotiated that away. Life changes. Things change. You might change. Circumstances might change. You can still say no.
And sometimes, you should.
