Do you have a friend or partner that you feel the need to protect everyone else in your life from?
Are you actually safe from them, or are you hoping that you will be the exception to their rule?
Are you sacrificing yourself at their altar?
Are you hoping that enduring and ignoring the red flags enough will keep you safe and change them, or at least keep others safe from them?
I can assure you that you are not safe, and you will not be the exception. They will not change. Get out while you can.
I did this. I did this because of the fawn response to trauma that was deeply ingrained in me due to my CPTSD- trying to "earn" love by setting aside my own safety and needs, ignoring red flags, enduring, suffering.
I did this because I thought "if he's hurting me, maybe he'll focus on me and not hurt anybody else."
I did this without consciously realizing it. I thought, "well, I wouldn't suggest anybody else play with him. He's too intense. He's too hardcore. It wouldn't be safe," but I didn't think about the fact that it wasn't safe for me, either. That there was no virtue in enduring suffering I wasn't ok with. That my value as a submissive didn't depend on letting him trample my boundaries, even though he tried like hell to program that into me.
I did this, thinking "I can weather the emotional blows. I can heal from the physical trauma." I knew I could survive a lot, because I'd had to survive a lot. That didn't mean it was good, or healthy, or something I should tolerate. A healthy relationship isn't an endurance test that proves to you that you can survive anything.
If you have to protect everyone from someone you are involved with, ask yourself why, and why you are still involved. Ask yourself why you feel that what they offer is worth the price, and why you don't feel you can get what they offer elsewhere in a healthy fashion from a person you can trust.
