Back in the early 1990s, my mom delivered meals to AIDS patients who were too sick to go out much any more. It was always considered fatal back then, and there was so much stigma attached to it that people often ended up becoming outcast pariahs because of it. I remember going with her once to visit a guy whose birthday it was. He was alone, crying, and drunk. No one had even called to wish him a happy birthday. He'd been completely abandoned. My mom and I were the only people who came to see him. We hugged him and hung out for a while after giving him food.
We got a couple blocks away before mom pulled over and started sobbing. I held her while she cried. I was maybe 15 or 16. I felt really old right then, and I was both right and wrong about that. Mom had to have been younger than I am now. I wish I could go back in time and talk to her as the person I am now. We could have learned a lot from each other.
Back then, you also saw a lot of people in denial. Willfully ignorant people who wanted to have their fun and not worry. AIDS was a big, scary spectre, so they pretended it wasn't a threat to them. "That's a gay disease. I can't get it." "Oh, I can tell she doesn't have it by looking at her." "I'm young and healthy. It won't happen to me, and I won't get anybody I care about sick."
A lot of folks in my community back in SF lived through the AIDS pandemic, and buried a lot of loved ones. We're watching people have that same goddamned attitude. "It won't happen to me. The deaths are fake numbers. I'm young and healthy. I do what I want. It's a conspiracy- it isn't real. They just want to control you."
We are burying friends and loved ones, again. Humanity never seems to learn, as a species.
But me? I'm watching who is being reckless, who is going out and getting people sick when they should know better, when they CHOOSE not to. I'm watching, and I'm going to remember. I will never trust you. Never.
