I'm pretty late writing this; actually a week late but better late than never.
I've been in and out of the bdsm community for many years, about 17 years but I still consider myself new. There is so much to explore and I feel like I'm finally getting the chance to do that.
Last weekend I got to see and experience some firsts. I wasn't really surprised by the amount and variation of toys my Dom has but there were definitely some things I've never seen before and all of them I'm curious about.
I wish I wasn't so nervous all the time but as we quickly discovered, give me something to do, something to focus on and I settle down. I guess you could say I'm very task oriented and i really do love rules even though there are some I definitely struggle with.
The biggest take away from my visit was my discovery of subspace. I was NOT expecting it and actually rather surprised it happened. I've been spanked before but not like this. I have a lot of trust in my Dom so I decided I was going to push myself. I had never gotten past the initial sting of things. Everyone previously pretty much stopped when i squirmed out of position or didn't take it very far. I was determined to push past the initial sting and boy was i surprised when it really started feeling good. Everything felt good and I wanted more but didn't ask for it; i didn't think it was wise to ask for more the first time. Baby steps. I was in a happy daze for hours afterwards. I think I was about half way through my hours long drive home that my happy high finally wore off.
I think I really needed it. It was an experience and release of tension I had never felt before and it made my work week a breeze. I will also say that my confusion and feelings of being lost dissipated after that weekend. I think i just needed to know where I stand and what direction I'm going. Aaaand that's it for now; I should have been asleep over an hour ago. 😋