Growing up, I felt very out of control of my life. My parents were divorced and I did the standard custody shuffle every weekend. Minimal stability, no say in where I was or where I slept every night. It was not pleasant.
The change of rules between households was jarring as well. My mom was very permissive and, as long as I wasn't doing anything wrong, let me do what I wanted. My father was much more strict and, much worse, arbitrary in his rules. Again, unpleasant and out of control.
I've often wondered if this contributed to making me dominant. Did a lack of control growing up make me yearn for greater control over my life and the person I share it with? Did my father's arbitrary authoritarianism make me want to exhibit a more compassionate and fair form of dominance?
It makes sense but, having talked to submissives over the years, I wonder if it's the truth. I know subs who also grew up in strict households. For them, it seems growing up with that order and structure has made them long for it in their relationships. So, did my childhood make me dominant or did something deeper in me respond to my experiences by choosing dominance where others would have chosen submission?
I suppose it doesn't really matter how I ended up this way. I am who I am and I'm happy with it. Still, it's interesting to think about. I remember reading an article a while ago (can't remember where, I may look for it and add a link later) that argued being kinky was similar to one's sexual orientation. Apparently, the same parts of the brain light up when a kinky person sees kinky porn as when a straight person sees vanilla straight porn or a gay person sees vanilla gay porn. If so, then this could be something I was born with. Still, it's hard to think my childhood experiences didn't play some role. Just another battleground in the nature vs. nature debate.
Note: I don't want this to be taken as a condemnation of my parents. My mom is an amazing woman who made the best of a bad situation. My dad is more complicated by he's still a good man.
