Hellooooooo again one and all,
Just a note to say while I moved I had internet issue some still ongoing but I have managed to get a thin sliver of the internet in my new place.
More to follow
Moonlighter
"You're eating junk food again!" exclaims my flatmate.
Yes, Yes I am.
Because we can't always be on point with our diet or exercise or work. We can't always be functioning at 100% peak efficiency ... its exhausting.
To put into perspective, over the last few months I've been applying for a job at my new university, then getting messed about by them whilst also organizing my packing, my social life, attending sessions with a PT and going to the gym regularly. dealing with redundancy SO YES dear flatmate I am eating this entire pizza because this is how I've chosen to unwind.
I should be going to leg day at the gym but I'm sat cross legged in my mostly empty room typing this out on my computer. because I've already made a trip to the storage unit in the next town thrown out the rubbish and shopped for dinner.
And its important in all aspects of life, sure everyone on this site can attest to really liking kinky goings on but sometimes we all need to just take a break and there's nothing wrong with that we don't need to do everything at once.
Sometimes you have to push at 150% just to get what is necessary done just remember to take time after at less than 100% so you can recharge.
Ok rant over, go about your lives citizens.
So before I started my profile on the cage, I had a profile on Hinge.
Now my history with dating apps is spotty at best, with A face that could be (and has been) generously described as a cross between Nicholas Cage and Steve Buscemi. I generally don't make a fantastic first impression.
It only gets worse as I start talking, apparently dark humor is not the best ice breaker ... this pick axe though?
Anyway sometimes, I get lucky, a conversation lasts more than 3 messages goes on a couple of weeks and before you know it you're organizing a trip to get coffee somewhere. ... this is happening on Friday if anyone cares.
So hopefully it goes well, but I've been in the game long enough to know not to run before I can walk, I have to know if this person is actually just interested or is just looking for a free coffee.
And of course if it DOES go well, then eventually I'm going to have to bring up the topic of BDSM, not on the first date of course but in due time, to not do so would be a suppression of part of me and a lie to her, neither would bode well for a relationship of any length.
I'm kind of interested to know how members of this community would bring this to their partners attention, whether it was measured conversation or you baked a cake in the shape of a pair of handcuffs.
Certainly care and communication will be required in spades no matter what any of us do, but I've been thinking about it since she agreed to a coffee.
At least if nothing else it's an excuse to get a haircut right?
Bear with me on this one,
While I've not had a huge amount of experience comparative to others in BDSM, my experience means that I know some key things about myself.
I am a Dom, I've tried Subbing for a few people but they either lacked imagination or passion for it so we both got bored easily, in fact halfway through once my partner asked at the time if we could switch ... which did add an interesting dynamic to that session.
But a question I ask myself often is can I be relied upon to be an effective Dom if I can't first master myself. key mistakes in my past have been me being too focused on what I enjoy and not enough on the subs experience, attempting shibari with rope that wasn't suitable (it was waaaay to short and it looked ridiculous) to just not having thought out scenes properly.
I chalk most of this up to learning experience, my partners were never in any danger, and I always respected given limits.
but recently I've also been considering myself physically, are Doms not supposed to be physically imposing? What does it say about me if my stamina doesn't outlast my partners?
Weird almost adolescent worries, but ones that I think should be considered by every Dom, if you cant manage to master yourself, can you truly master another?
Something to think on perhaps?
Moonlighter.
So a while back a friend suggested I start a blog as therapy (long story, quite boring, No beer involved).
That's not THIS blog, but I figured this had to start somewhere.
A few months ago I signed up to have a PT run me through some gym session, I had come up to the point where I was going but not doing much, fellow gym goers may be familiar with hitting a plateau and wondering where to go from there, so I picked my sorry carcass up and did the most sensible thing I could do at the time.
I asked for help.
Now as obvious as this reads and sounds, like many people I have been brought up to try and trouble others as little as possible. In my day to day life I'm generally quiet and reserved, at least till I get used to you then good luck stopping the dark humor and innuendo. So for me it was hard to ask for help to reach out to this PT and discuss what I wanted, because when I said it out loud it sounded stupid and childish, but they sat there and listened ... then told me I'd need to eat more. So positive results all around.
Anyway the point of the title was today was session 8 and also leg day, and getting up from my chair hurts my legs.
So winding our way down this windy beach to see if the pub is open it also got me thinking a long while about what I want to achieve here in relation to my personal life. What is it that I want? And the answer changes for all of us, some of us want a play partner, some of us want a relationship with a dynamic that we enjoy and with someone who will also enjoy it, some just want to introduce themselves to the community.
BDSM often being looked at in the vanilla world as at best a quirk and at worst, well lets not go there, I've struggled for quite a while to even begin broaching the subject "publicly" so for me coming to this site was similar to me seeking help from the PT.
For the UK based of us are there any places that hold munches or meetups that can be attended now that lock down has been lifted? Or a list of places to find them?
Anyway That's enough rambling today.
Keep well Everyone.
Moonlighter
I've been in quiet contemplation this weekend.
I went camping with some friends, its been a rough few years and quite dark for me so they suggested sitting in a field and drinking rather than spending another weekend packing would be a good idea.
And one of my friends, we shall name her Bob (I find it amusing), asked me quite openly "What is it that you want?"
A good question, I couldn't answer her then.
Can't answer now either.
I don't think life is ever as convenient as just knowing what we want. Oh sure when we are Hungry we want food, bored and we seek entertainment, horny and we come here 😉 .
But I believe the thrust of her question was this "Is what you are doing right now at this moment what is best for you?"
Something for all of us to think about, what can we do that is best for us?
What small things do we all do to make ourselves better? For me I started this Blog and I bake (weird huh?)
How about you?