Overwhelmed

EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female){Owned} - I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. I have been there. I took one day at a time, having casual conversations online and weeding out the Doms that moved too fast. When kinks were discussed, I would research what the Dom was into so I could see if it sounded like something I would enjoy. If we aligned then I would continue to allow them to get to know me. I found that each Dom had a few specific kinks and not a thousand as I was originally picturing in my mind. It's kind of like that saying:
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time. 😉

Joyous Chaos​(sub female) - Small steps. Say hello, respond to messages, watch out for those that want too much too soon. You’ll find your groove….have faith

Sensual City Girl{ForeverHIS} - This lifestyle can be extremely overwhelming, especially when you are new. I agree with eager to please and will also add - DO NOT RUSH!! Otherwise, you put yourself at risk and harm of getting hurt mentally and emotionally. There is a lot at stake here. Take this time to learn, have conversations and seek advice. Don’t jump into any dynamic unless you have vetted the person. This is a great community that can help you navigate when needed. I suggest reading up in “sub-frenzy”.

Wishing you all the best.

Noire{Owned (NH)} - When I first came to the site, I felt the same way. I had a bare minimum of knowledge at the time. So when I first started talking to perspective dominants it was a hurricane of so many things. Kinks,fantasies,expectations of their submissive’s. 😮‍💨

How I focused myself was i needed to figure out my submissive identity first. Knowing what kind of submissive you are, and what your wants are. It makes it easier to find a dominant who meets your needs. I read a LOT bdsm lingo, types of kinks and their descriptions. Listened to pod casts and read a few books on the topic.

For my vetting process I set a very high number of days, that I’d like to get to know someone seriously. I made a list of all the questions that I felt where important to know. What ever felt important for me to ask, I would during casual conversation. For example, “Are you a 24/7 Dom? Or a bedroom Dom?” “Do you use punishment as your main action for discipline?” “What is your favorite thing about d/s dynamic?” Things like that.

But the moment I felt uncomfortable or rushed in my own process. I would thank them for their time, move on to the next conversation and start again. It can be difficult finding your own flow but once you have it down. Weeding out all the ill fitting candidates becomes a breeze.

I wish you the best of luck and extant my hand to be a submissive ally to you if you’d like a friendship! ❤️

the beanie - I'd love to be friends

Noire{Owned (NH)} - Yay! Also I’ve learned of the term called “Sub frenzy”, I recommend researching it and conducting your own conclusions on the phrase. But I’m so glade I found out about it early on. It saved me from making a lot of decisions I could’ve regretted later on in my journey.

the beanie - I've actually been researching for 4 years now I heard about sub frenzy as well and it's kinda terrifying. Also to me it's a lack of thinking on top of the yearnings most new to the life feel

Masterdominae​(dom male) - As a newly discovered Dom, I find this very helpful. I’m afraid I’ve scared my first encounter away:( I place an ad but it’s doesn’t seem to get much traction. Maybe my age?? 59

Moonlighter​(dom male) - It does sound like your having a bit of information overload, like being back at school when you are expected to learn 8-9 different things in a morning commit them to memory and quote them verbatim that afternoon.

I agree with Noire in that you should figure out YOU first, look up what interests you and don't worry about what others want until you need to. Ask yourself if finding a Dom is what you WANT right now, or are you looking for someone whose perspective comes from the other side of the court and you want to ask questions?

Also take a few days off if it is bringing you down or making you feel exhausted, we'll still be here when you get back :)

the beanie - Thank you all for the much appreciated advice