I get bored quickly. I like to start new adventures. Sometimes I take it too far and feel like an avant-garde anthropologist living amongst the gorillas, like Jane Goodall, but that is a story for another time.
This story is about my adventures as a beginner in the BDSM lifestyle. I have said before that I am a lucky, well-loved woman and that the way I went about finding Eros was neither safe nor advisable. I was in survival mode after extreme trauma and in recovery from the opiate use disorder that I picked up as a poor attempt at medicating those physical and emotional traumas (I just passed my 5th anniversary of having been tested and passed). I had divested all of my assets to a trust for my kids because the doctors treating my septic joints felt that long-term care was likely in my future as a best-case scenario if I survived. I'd had an NDE. All different unexplained phenomena were happening around me, and I was in a sub-frenzy.
I was doing well financially but neglecting everything that makes us human, and something had to give. I was in sales, which was wearing on me emotionally and becoming more cutthroat by the day. I was also a typically unwelcome member of a *mostly* male team who viewed females as tokens in the profession. The position had never aligned well with my values, but it paid the bills for someone with a big honkin' gap in their resume, no assets left, and ruined credit/network from being in the hospital for so long.
I was noodling around on the cage and stumbled upon Eros, who, after some online flirting and ice-breaking and a weekend together when I was out in Minnesota on business, quite literally swooped in, picked me up in a moving truck, and brought me back to Minnesota from Massachusetts. I locked up my condo and didn't look back. Instead of taking advantage, he took the time to educate me on contracts and BDSM experience checklists. We walked through my experience (not much) and comfort levels. We became life partners one step at a time, naturally.
He also didn't "rescue" me in the traditional sense. He gave me a focus point and support and encouraged me to do the rest independently. Reached out a steady hand and said, "We take care of our own," then left it there. He meets my trust issues with patient bemusement, and I am on a healing and loving journey back to my humanity.
I sought out and embraced the lifestyle. We live it, and Eros has an innate sense of where I am at. To his credit, he supports and doesn't push. I'm learning, drinking in all of the information, and we attend events, watch videos and read blogs together and separately. I am two years in and feel we are experiencing "just the tip" of the iceberg together.
This is why I always say that though I am educated and experienced in psychology and economics, though I have been a successful entrepreneur, I am a beginner in this new adventure and am grateful to all of the educators who amass and share all of the knowledge that is at the core of our community. I respect your wisdom and knowledge. Starting something new is a gift. It allows me to experience childlike wonder while I stumble through the first steps, laughing with Eros when I fall on my face. It lets me put down the burden of "adulting" my way through the things I do well and the burden of responsibility that comes with that. It's one of the glories that drew me to want to experience being a submissive and letting someone else drive for a minute.
In love and light,
Hekate
