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Frida Kahlo once told her husband, "I'm not asking you to kiss me or to apologize when I think you're wrong. I won't ask you to hug me when I need it most, or to tell me I'm beautiful, even if it's a lie. I won’t ask you to write me sweet words, call me to share how your day went, or tell me you miss me. I won’t ask you to appreciate what I do for you, to care for me when my soul is weary, or to support my decisions. I won’t even ask you to listen when I have a thousand stories to share. I won’t ask you for anything—not even to stay by my side forever. Because if I have to ask, I don’t want it anymore."
This powerful declaration reflects the struggle between unfulfilled needs and an external locus of control. While acknowledging our needs doesn't diminish their value, it does suggest a dependency that undermines our self-worth. True connection and fulfillment in relationships come not from demands or expectations but from the voluntary exchange of care and affection. When we start to ask or, worse, demand these things, we often sacrifice our self-respect in the process.
The essence of a relationship should be a mutual, voluntary exchange—an exchange of pleasure, not obligations. It’s not anyone’s duty to meet our expectations. The more we rely on others to make us feel whole, the more we reveal our own immaturity. In contrast, maturity is reflected in our focus on the well-being of others, rather than on our own needs.
Unfortunately, Western society often emphasizes the notion of "What can you do to make me happy?" rather than "What can I do to make you happy?" When someone doesn’t bother to ask what they can do for you, it indicates where their focus lies—on themselves. Instead of trying to educate or manipulate others into valuing us more, we should focus on becoming significant in their eyes naturally, without resorting to pressure, guilt, or shame.
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dawnrobin 🥰
