I was laying in bed this morning and a random memory came to mind. Im not sure if anyone remembers that show "Din🥚saurs"? It was like a prehistoric version of "Everyone Loves Raymond" with the baby being the antagonist. "NOT THE MAMA", which became the most popular quote of the show.
I remember my dad liking that show, at least more than I did, and how it cracked him up when we watched it. What a nerd. Then I wondered how old he was, cause what a nerd. The show aired from 1991 to 1994, so my dad was anywhere from 43 to 46. Wait, what? Im 45 and still watch cartoons. I love cartoons.
My mom had me when she was 28 and my dad was 33. I had K 2 months after I turned 29. Wait, what? I knew nothing about being mom, im not even sure how I kept MYSELF alive that long. Now im supposed keep this beautiful little angel safe, healthy, and happy?! I suppose my parents had some advantage. I was the baby... my sister being a year and a half older. A year and a half to work out the bugs. Seems like a reasonable learning curve.
I ran the time lines parallel to each other. I remember always looking at my mom and dad as "adults". They're ADULTS! Dude, what? What tf did I know at 28? I probably knew even less at 33. Now IM an adult?!?! I dont remember signing that contract. I dont know who signed off on that! Paperwork is still pending. I only have my learners permit, and that's about to be revoked. Im more childish than my child is.
Then I start thinking about my job as a group facilitator. Men and women my age and older... even some a little younger struggling to navigate lifes minefield, looking to ME for guidance. It was clear to me then that age holds no value, only a record of time. Pretty mature for a childish 40-something. People I interact with daily (as few as possible) are "adults", right? See, growing up I was taught to respect my elders, to be polite, to follow the rules... I did (mostly), no questions asked becaue that's what an "adult" told me. Now I realize I didnt know and/or wasn't around as many "adults" as I thought.
We learn to survive and adapt as we grow... each of us have been down a different path and no two were alike. Our experiences influence the "adult" we become. My dad was not a good man. My mom did the best she could but was not without flaws.
We attach expectations to roles. Im not a fan of expectations, I dont believe in them, the same way I dont believe in closure. People in certain roles should conduct themselves as such. Like say... a public safety professional or a member of the United States Army (🙋🏻♀️). Roles held in high regard by generally, well, everyone. "People" though. PEOPLE like a "mom" or "dad"? A "sister" or other family member... we forget or never think about them as "people". The expectations we attach to their roles are very rigid and leave no room for mistakes "people" make. Having expectations will always break your heart, which is why I dont believe in them. Closure never comes in the form you want it, which is why I don't believe in that.
Now consider some or all of the expectations we put on our parents/siblings/family members and think about how many times they fell short, how your heart was broken. Each time it broke, the closure you sought, and how it turned to bitterness when you didnt get the reaction you wanted or hear the words you wanted to hear.
I am a very analytical thinker but my mind is fueled by chaos and madness. Its true. I own it... but then, on some days, I lay in bed and think about garbage TV shows from the 90s.