This has come up a few times in conversations, I think, due to a stigma, but I wanted to talk about it and clarify. The subject is about relaying your intentions to a recipient, how to do it, and when is the most appropriate time.
To start, the stigma comes in where vaguely claiming your intentions leads people to believe you're rushing things: I've had similar comments where asking someone if they are interested in something comes off as 'too heavy-handed' before, and I've since been working to improve my verbiage and relaying my intentions, as it is not my intent to move too quickly or overwhelm anyone when we first begin talking.
The point of this entry is this: I believe that when you are interested in another person, you should establish your intent with that person sooner than later if not in the beginning. I believe this because I believe it respects everyone's time and intelligence. There is plenty of time to learn more about each other if the initial interest is there, and if it isn't, then you both know right away. It respects intelligence because there are no hidden agendas when everything is laid out in front, and there is plenty of time to vet and make sure that that is truly the case.
People who would disagree argue that you should wait, take your time and learn more about each other and talk about a dynamic when you are more comfortable. That makes perfect sense where the dynamic is possible, but it isn't always the case. How much time do you interact, on a faint hope they return your feelings, without knowing whether or not it was ever feasible or not? This is especially prevalent online where distance is more commonly a factor
And the other issue I have with waiting is that you are keeping your intention a secret from your prospective partner. It is intellectually dishonest to lead them to believe your interactions are benign in nature when you want something more serious with them. Worse still, there is always a risk of being emotionally manipulated the closer you let someone become.
Being upfront from the beginning can help avoid these issues, but it isn't foolproof: you will still need to take appropriate time to vet and make sure that they were not lying and that you are good and comfortable with them. Establishing your intent is not rushing: it is not an ultimatum, and it is certainly not a call to relocate this instant. It is respecting yours and that person's time and intelligence to find out from the get-go if they are open to your arrangement. That is the key word: openness, to be open to an idea that is subject to change. Circumstances happen and change people's actual ability or willingness to engage in their arrangements, but intent isn't prophecy either: just because you intend on something, even with a mutual partner, does not mean you can always make good on your intentions, and that's okay. At least you've still established that intent in the beginning, vetting several others that did not share your interests/goals in a lifestyle dynamic, and being honest about what you want with somebody should serve you well in finding someone who shares your ideas and with whom you do move forward with a lifestyle dynamic.
