This morning Umber and I found ourselves in a discussion about what she called marketability. She wasn’t talking about her worth specifically, but rather the likelihood she could find a new Dom. She stressed how difficult it would be for her to find a new Dom vs me finding a new sub.
I was perplexed at first but in the end I think she is right. Not because she isn’t amazing, but she’s not late twenties, size 5 and inexperienced. I remind her that she isn’t an experienced sub and she laughs. I get her point. I’m in my late 50s, financially secure, in pretty good shape. No ex wife no children. Whatever- but that’s “marketable” in a man.
I remind her that she doesn’t need to even be considering a new Dom, but my attempt to derail this conversation fails. Like many magnificent women over the dread 40 she exists in a world that too often tells her that she’s not beautiful because she’s not 20 something. She’s not a size 1 and not a long legged creature and doesn’t have a tiny waist and huge breasts.
I can tell my Umber has a bee in her bonnet (I tell her that often). The silence sits a bit until I can ask her what the real issue is. What makes a beautiful woman stop feeling sexy?
she pulls a face and says ‘the next person to tell me I’m “cute” will be cleaning vomit off them.’ I shouldn’t laugh but I can’t help it.
But you are cute, in a murderous chipmunk kind of way.
-glare-
ok sorry, what’s going on?
From here she launches into a very impassioned defense of the sexual merits of women over that 45. Still, they are too often overlooked by men their own age.
I have to think, am I guilty of this? There’s a different standard of language for women of her age. The word mature becomes a heavy label. I think I also see it when men of my age seek women much younger. There is a vitality and for a moment we can relive some idealistic version of our younger selves. This isn’t me but I’m sure that’s how it works.
Still, I wish I could change the world for her. To go back in time before self doubt crept into her. But for now I will keep telling her - hoping to convince her that she’s amazing and sexy and funny and beautiful - my god she is beautiful.
I love her curves and live for her sarcastic banter. I adore the mind that goes from angelic fluff to wicked dark. She and so many like her, should never be overlooked because of a number. It’s a crime. You are not unmarketable, you are rare and should be treasured. Umber darling, are you listening?
