I have found myself completely overwhelmed with life lately. It's one of those times where it just seems to come at you from all sides. Every time you think you get one stressor under control, another bitch slaps you out of nowhere. Then all hell breaks loose on the one that you thought you had a handle on. I feel like a balloon, continuously being blown into. It begins to swell to gross proportions. At some point it will not be able to contain the air and POP!! I feel like a rubber band being stretched beyond capacity. You know it's only a matter of time and SNAP!! I have been balancing on this precipice for months now. And I'm angry. Enraged. Pissed the fuck off with nowhere to direct it.
I cannot escape the stressors. I cannot remove myself from them. I cannot keep them at a distance. I know that I need to find my center amidst this turmoil but I truly feel it beyond my capabilities at this time. I cannot control the stressors but I am also incapable of controlling my response. The situations I find myself in are ones that require me to curb my needs in order to keep the peace that is needed within their respective environments. I have articulated my position to the relevant parties but it seems to fall on deaf ears in favor of said ears hearing what they wish to. I have attempted on multiple occasions over the past few months to express my frustrations with said parties with no viable resolution.
Where does this leave me? What do I do when needs aren't being met but the situation must remain as must I? I cannot continue to operate at this level of irritation. It is not healthy to me and it is even less healthy for the individual that blows just that last bit of air in that balloon or gives that rubber band one last pull. Because my temper will explode. It is not a matter of if, but when and who. I am unheard, disrespected, disregarded and overwhelmed despite doing everything but screaming this at everyone involved. I'm exhausted.
