Ok yeah and it’s Valentine’s Day. For those who are unattached, it’s just another Saturday. And it can be a difficult one. So be gentle with yourself.
This is your reminder that you are beautiful/handsome, amazing, worthy and enough! Do something nice for yourself and celebrate the extraordinary person you are.
You wonder why you never get a response when your opening line is “nice tits or “oh I’d fuck that or “send me more pics” or “wanna come over and chill?” or “I’m looking for a Mistress”.
You wonder why we say “no thanks” when nothing on our profiles even hints at compatibility, connection, shared kinks and desires.
You wonder, when everything is laid out as plain and simply as you can, why nobody takes a moment to read a profile. How hard is it to engage in simple, polite, respectful conversation? We may be submissives or slaves but we are humans and deserve respect. For the love of Pete, put some energy and effort into it. It could make all the difference.
Feeling like I am too much and not enough at the same time. Such a hard place to be.
That’s all.
The end
For those in the path of the storm, make sure your toys are all charged up, would hate for them to lose power at a critical moment.
Just a friendly PSA.
Stay safe!
If I can give 100% to the wrong one
Just imagine what I can give to the right one
The possibilities are endless and the opportunities boggle the mind
I can’t wait for the chance to test this out.
I’m waiting, come find me.
Aka my personal trainer. LOL. I was happy with what I was able to do. And that I spoke up and told her that there was something I couldn’t do instead of trying and hurting myself. Challenged myself with more weight on some exercises today too which was cool. I might kinda like doing this gym stuff.
I’m mad at myself for getting involved (again) when you asked because I was afraid that you might be my last chance at finding my person in this lifestyle, when you never had any intentions of me being your person. I was one of several and I know that doesn’t work for me.
I’m mad at myself because I allowed my fear of missing out on experiences put me back in a place that wasn’t ultimately good for me.
I am mad at myself for thinking this time could be different. My bad, that’s on me. I knew deep down that it wouldn’t and I said yes anyway. I apologize to you and to myself for that one.
What I am not mad at myself for is showing up, with hope, willingness, openness, honesty, trust and vulnerability. I put myself out there 100% and that’s a big step for me. I held nothing back. But the experience reinforced what I knew in my heart to be true about myself. I won’t settle or accept anything less in the future.
I want to blame you for 100% of what happened but I know in good conscience I cannot. I take full responsibility for accepting the scraps of attention and dominance you offered, and I apologize for that. I should have known better that doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome was an exercise in futility and the definition of insanity. But I hoped, foolishly, that things would be different this time. I so badly wanted to be chosen by you, to feel that I was enough and wanted and worthy, that I chose to ignore the reality of the situation as I knew it to be deep in my heart and logically in my brain. I believed the words about being collared and owned. I wanted that. I still do, but with someone that chooses me and only me. Not where I’m 3rd or 4th or further down in line. Not when I’ll be cast aside if and when your “forever” person shows up.
You knew that I had already told you that I was catching feelings after the last time and that’s why I pulled back. To protect myself. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice or three times….shame on me. I’m hating myself more than I hate you right now.
You asked to remain friends. I agreed at the time, but I’m not sure now that it is possible. Sometimes you have to wish the person well, send them off with good wishes and love and shut and lock the door firmly behind them.
Deleted the shared journal.
Disconnected the cameras.
Deleted the messages.
Unfollowed/unfriended.
Threw the collars and chains in the garbage.
Blocked.
It is the end of a 2+ year “situationship” (for lack of a better term)
Time to start fresh.