Do not make a permanent physical decision (piercing, branding, tattoo, etc.) without a commitment, discussion, and unless you really want it. Nobody who is temporary should ever have that sort of control or influence over you or your body.
Sometimes moving forward means leaving something or someone behind. It takes a strong person to set healthy boundaries. Not saying it’s easy, just necessary. I am forever that bitch. Onward and upward to bigger and brighter things.
Just have to brag for a moment. I’ve lost 13 pounds over the past 6 months. That may not seem like a lot to most people. But I’m dealing with health issues that make weight loss a slow process. But I am making progress and that is what counts. Focusing on good food and walking when I can. Would I like to lose more, of course. Would I like it to happen faster, definitely. But I’m learning to love myself as I am and to do what I can when I can. Little changes. I wish I had a partner to cheer me on and support me through my journey. Hearing someone say “good girl” would really feel great right now. But for now I have to say “yay me” and be proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished.
I just saw something that said “Your body won’t feel safe just because someone says you are safe. Safety is felt when your nervous system sees the proof…..repeatedly”.
Simple, and yet mind blowing, especially when I realized and acknowledged that I have never felt safe. I don’t want to be so guarded. I don’t want to live in constant fight or flight. And yes I know that those are all trauma responses and I am working on them. But I have no frame of reference to work with. I’m 57 fucking years old and I’ve never felt safe. Even as a child I was made to feel that I was never good enough. Comments made to me that I was too skinny, not pretty, not smart enough. I’ve always held something back. And every time my gut has proven me right for doing so. Even if it was some small part of me. Just once in my life I would like to feel what it feels like. To be able to give myself completely over to someone, trusting them with absolute certainty that they will be my safe place to land. Deep down I crave feeling safe as much as I need air to breathe. It’s a gaping hole inside of me aching to be filled.
Asking for honest feedback here…..what in my profile makes someone think that it is ok to address me as Mistress or Goddess and that I want to take on a male sub or someone leaning that way? I am secure in who I am and what I’m looking for, and yet I get messages from male submissives on the regular. Those who know me know that I don’t have a dominant bone in my body (unless I have a Dominant’s bone in my body…LMAO).
Seriously though, am I missing something in my profile that makes people think this is ok or even wanted?
trust your gut
trust your emotions
trust your thoughts
trust things that bring more joy than stress
trust that you know what is right
trust that you know what isn’t
trust that you only want the best for yourself
trust your boundaries, you have them for a reason
trust that you are ready to open yourself up to another
And only then can you begin to trust someone else
trust the time they offer
trust that they don’t push or pressure
trust the energy they share
trust those that add to your life not take from it
trust that they have your best interest in mind
trust that they listen to your wants and needs
because without trust there is nothing
I have realized that in all of the relationships I have ever been in, vanilla or kink, I have never been made to feel that I was enough.
never
attractive enough
skinny enough
smart enough
i have been
good enough to fuck
good enough to hang out with
but not good enough to commit to
not good enough to marry
not good enough to collar
so i guess it is best for me to stay single
because I know I am
enough
and I can’t settle unless I find someone
who feels the same way
Going through a challenging time right now and I realized that I really miss having a Dom in my life who helps me and supports me and talks me through things with my best interest at heart. I think sometimes we forget about that and the role a good partner can play. And vice versa of course. I think a lot of so called Doms are there for the good stuff, but can’t provide what their partner needs when life gets challenging. Times when kink and sex have to take a back seat to real life. When they are in survival mode and simply need a set of strong arms to hold them and remind them that things will be ok. To remind them to take care of themself. If you have found this, then I believe you are truly blessed.
I’m impatiently looking for my person. The one that lays claim to my heart, soul, mind and body. It’s frustrating knowing that I have so much to offer to Him, and yet I can’t seem to find Him, or he can’t seem to find me (you know how men are about asking for directions….LOL). I know what I’ve given to then wrong ones, and can only imagine what I will be able to give to the right one. The one who makes me feel safe and cherished while using me for His pleasure. I’ll try and be patient until He comes along.
You realize that you are an overgiver who doesn’t ask for your needs to be reciprocated.
You realize that you don’t speak up for things that are important to you.
You realize that you don’t let people know when they have hit your emotional limit.
And you feel guilty when you do ask for those things.
And the reason is the fear that you will be though of as too needy, too much, not worth the time and effort, and not enough.
😢