Shadows Den

I want to share this with you all and I hope that you do not look down upon me as a Dom for what I am about to share. This will not be one of my normal posts other then it comes from what is inside of my heart as all my others do.

I will start this out by saying yes I am a Dom and yes in the past I have been a sub but I am by no means a switch. My past is my past and it gave me lessons that I learned which help me be a better Dom I feel it allowed me a insight into the mind of a sub.

I am above being a Dom a Human Being with feelings and emotions that I normally can keep bottled up and contained inside never allowing anything to show through my outer shell even when sad mad happy or excited it all stayed contained inside of me never bleeding through to the surface it made me a hell of a person to play poker with because nothing ever showed there was no tells I was always away of everything I did and showed no smile crossed me lips and twinkle in my eye nothing it was as if they was facing a dead man. This scared many people I have met in life and was even told I was a scary son of a bitch when first met but once the person got to know me they seen I was not the monster they felt thought me to be. When I was in collage and I was 20 years old a group of guys made up a story about me because I was so cold quiet and kept to myself never speaking to others around me sitting alone. The story went that I was a Ax murder on the run from the law and I had killed my family with a Ax and was not hiding in collage. After a few weeks of being in collage one of the guys because a friend of mine and he told me the story and gave me the nickname of Ax. I asked him do you still think that I am the person you thought I was? He smiled and said no your a really nice guy we had you all wrong.

I WILL NOT MENTION MY subs name even though she is not on here it is a matter of respect for her even though what she done does not deserve it I still feel the need to show it.

Fast forward 31 years to the events of this past Saturday May 21st 2022. I woke up excited and happy and it showed on my face even my coworkers noticed I was smiling and they remarked that they had never seen me smile and be happy in the almost 3 years of working with me. I told them I was happy because my sub was coming to see me for the first time in real life and I was going to get to spend time with her (I have been alone in real life for now over 9 years to be exact 9 years 3 months and 8 days at that time) so to say I was excited is a understatement to say the least. I came on the computer to tell her good morning (she was a late riser never up before 11am myself work required me to clock in at 4am so I would wake and dress by 3:45am I live 2 blocks from my work) I slept in a bit this day I did not get up until 7am got dressed and went to the gas station I worked at as a opener to get myself a Monster and a bit of breakfast as I did not feel like cooking. Then I come on and wait to see my sub I jump on discord where we liked to talk on camera and I see her come on extra early (I thought something is wrong she said her father had a heart attack like event and had went to the ER so my mind raced what is going on is her dad ok) so I message her asking what is going on is everything ok are you still coming to see me today? I get the message that deep down inside I knew was coming but denied it until I read it. The message read she would not be coming to see me and would no longer be with me as she was scared of her feelings for me and that I was to good to be true there had to be something wrong with me cause no one was at kind or as loving as I was. Before I could say a word I was blocked (less then 60 second).

Last night Tuesday May 24th 2022 I went to bed early was not feeling well and have not been since last weeks events. I lay in bed and I realized I was a Broken Dom no longer in control of my emotions or feelings. Something inside of me is now broken I do not know what, I do not know how to even go about fixing that which is now broken. I felt and still feel as if I am the only person upon the face of the Earth a feeling I would not wish upon anyone. I feel like a ship lost at sea in a storm of emotions with a broken mast up able to control his course tossed about at the whim of the waves. I have never felt this before it frightens me. I know in time I will regain the control I once had over my emotions and feelings. Till that time I am a Broken Dom nothing more.

I post this not for pity or sympathy but maybe to help others understand that a Dom \ Domme are at the end of the day Humans with emotions and feelings as well.

Sincerely

ShadowWolfDancer Broken Dom