As I explore submission with E I read through profiles here and on other sites - lots and lots of profiles. I see some Dom profiles demanding submission, while others view it as a precious gift, "I will earn your submission my darling, please pick me, etc. blah blah blah." Sub profiles as well often characterize their submission as this precious thing that has to be earned. If that's you, I'm not trying to piss you off, it's just not the way I personally work.
I try sometimes to describe myself in both BDSM and vanilla terms as though I was in the market for a potential relationship, just to see what I come up with.
- I'm 53 (good for some, too old for others)
- I'm independent (again good for some, and I'll stick with those who appreciate that)
- Submissive, with the potential to be a slave given time and the right relationship (this is an important point of compatibility as slave may be my comfort zone and it's a lot of responsibility for a Dominant)
- I enjoy service but don't want to be responsible for all household chores on top of my full time job that I enjoy (seriously, if you've got me on the floor on all fours I'm hoping your cock or a flogger is involved and not a scrub brush, cause June Cleaver I ain't)
- I like pain to a point but not severe pain
- I'm cute enough, but not too crazy (lol not doing the hot/crazy matrix here, just saying I'm reasonably attractive and not too neurotic)
- My build is still chubby but shrinking steadily due to exercise and hard work
- Relocation would be difficult due to home and pets but not impossible if I wanted it badly enough
So what would I look for?
I don't like demands, but I'm not fucking precious. I mean, I love myself and I feel like I'm worth getting to know. Submission is something that I hold, this is true. I have the power to give it to someone, and also take it back if I need to.
But in my mind the person that I give it to is equally worthy. A real person like me, with thoughts and feelings and needs and wants and kinks - all of which should be complementary with mine to a certain extent if we're gonna do this relationship thing. It's a power exchange, an unequal relationship between (hopefully) equals, and both parties have responsibilities in the relationship. I'm not interested in holding my submission over his head and telling him to earn it. I'm interested in getting to know the person beyond the profile.
His wallet doesn't enter into my equations beyond the fact that he can take care of himself - I need character. Sure I want someone that I'm physically attracted to, but that covers a pretty wide range. I want someone who can deal with his life, have a passion for something, and in doing those things be a whole person who is happy. HAPPY is something that you do, you can't buy it at the store no matter what my ex-husband insisted.
Keep your demands, your pedestals and your cash. I'd rather sit cross-legged on the garage floor keeping you company while you work on a car, or argue with you about which Star Wars movie was the best (spoiler - the original trilogy of course - ok that's 3 movies but whatever.) Oh and of course I'll sit at your feet and do slavey type things too - all part of the deal ;)