E and I have been together for a few months now. He's been my mentor, my Dom with benefits, and has become a very good friend. I really enjoy texting with him every day and sharing my life with him, as well as hearing about his life. We send dog pics back and forth as we both love our fur babies. I love submitting to him and can't wait to visit him again. He has helped me learn so much about submission and has helped me adjust as I've gravitated toward the slave identity which seems to naturally fit me.
I've talked in a previous post about how I don't hide my thoughts any more like I did in my last relationship. I've become very transparent. When I'm with him or we're on FaceTime he can see the thoughts crossing my face and then will ask me what I'm thinking. Of course I tell him. That's one of the important things about a journey like this, you can't hide stuff from your Dom. I mean you can, but then you won't get what you need from the relationship - how can he help you discover the peace and joy of being submissive if you don't share what you're feeling so that he knows what to do next?
E has known all along that I still do a lot of reading and research and that this is not the only site that I'm on. I've also been on Fetlife about as long as I've been on here, but wow there are soooo many people on there - like 10 million! So I've lurked in the corners there mostly, just one small middle-aged slave paddling my canoe around in a sea of craziness. I've looked up local events as I live close to a decent sized city. I haven't been to a munch yet, though I've thought about it as it would be nice to make some local sub friends that I could talk to.
I've posted my writings from here on Fetlife as well. I normally get a few likes and a couple of comments, which is nice but it's still just me, lurking. In the last week I've been reading some writings by a Dom on that site. I don't agree with everything he says but he has an interesting point of view, and he writes well. I've commented on a few of his writings, as well as some others that he has commented on. Over the last few days he has read and commented on some of my writings, and we have bantered in comments on several writings.
I started to feel uncomfortable about this. I thought about it today and thought, I feel like I'm hiding something from E. I wasn't hitting on anyone or even messaging anyone directly, but I felt kind of icky about bantering with this Dom, even innocently, without E's knowledge.
So I emailed E this morning and told him all about it. He laughed a bit and admitted that he had looked for me on Fetlife when we first started talking, but he didn't find me. My user name is just a bit different but enough apparently that he couldn't find me.
He laughed at the funny post that I wrote there yesterday (haven't posted it here yet) and enjoyed the comments that went with it. E said that since we are what we are, there's a bit of a gray area. He said that I approached conversations with other Doms appropriately (as I said I wasn't hitting on anyone, and I often made mention of my Dom mentor) and that my profile clearly states that I'm with someone at this time. He also said that if I wanted to chat with another Dom and perhaps slowly vet them IF I was interested that way, that is ok. However I could not allow another Dom to give me orders or instructions unless I first had a conversation with E to let him know that I found someone that I was interested in and wanted to explore that.
I was so relieved by this that it was almost comical - I knew I hadn't done anything WRONG but I didn't feel RIGHT about him not knowing about a few simple conversations. In telling E what was going on, we were able to put some rules around my behavior that were really helpful. Being open about my conversations and knowing that E can see my activity makes me feel better.
At this point, I'm very happy with E. We've grown close and I'm still exploring, and I have so much more to learn! He agrees that we have a really good thing and he is enjoying it too. So for now, I will banter carefully where I will, and enjoy that without guilt or intentions of anything more.